A Single Mom's Survival

Surviving Single Parent Holidays

2008-12-20T20:20:00.011-05:00

For a long time, FP had supervised and then amended visitation and so although we had been separated for such a long time, last Christmas 2007 was my first Christmas ever without my children. I don't have any earth-shattering advice for how to get through holidays without your children, but I can only share with you my own experience and maybe it will help a little. I am still learning as I go, however, and still struggle at holidays myself. I think that no matter what you do or how long you have been divorced or apart from your spouse, holidays without your children will be hard. There is no "easy" way around it - I don't think that being apart is the way God intended it to be, so if your family is apart during the Holidays, it will be a struggle no matter how "strong" you are or how "far" you have come.

I believe that the first and most important step to facing a holiday alone is lots and lots and lots of prayer. This may sound overly simplistic, but our prayers and God's Word are our most powerful weapons against depression and loneliness. When I knew I would be spending Christmas alone, I started praying months ahead about the Holiday and that God would prepare me for that time without my children. One thing I prayed was asking God to show me how to spend my December that year.

God put it on my heart first of all to make the most of the time during the beginning of December that I did have with my children. I tried to celebrate every day with them up until the day they left to be with FP. We went overboard decorating the house, we made cookies together, we got gifts ready for family and friends, we went to the library and got tons of Christmas books and read one every night before they left; I just tried to squeeze the most that I could out of the time I had with them before they left. God also put it on my heart to put my focus on those children and families who had it far worse than I, or we, did. My children and I did the "Operation Christmas Child" shoe boxes together, we prepared food boxes for local families without food for the holidays, and we prayed for families who were suffering or separated by war, poverty, death, etc. It may sound morbid, but it helped me to think not so selfishly of myself but to think on those who had lost loved ones, whose husbands or wives or children were serving our country overseas with an uncertain fate, those who were battling illnesses....those who had it far worse than I. At least I knew that my children were healthy and safe and, though I would be alone, they would have a wonderful and magical Christmas with FP and they would return home to me within just a matter of days.

One day in December before my children left, I was driving in my car and the song "I'll Be Home for Christmas" came on the radio. I just absolutely lost it---sobbing. I said, "Lord, I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can do Christmas without my children. This isn't fair!" Lovingly and patiently, but firmly, God simply said back to me "Christmas is NOT about YOU". And I realized that rather than focusing on my kids, my loneliness, my sadness, my holiday...I needed to focus on Christ alone and worship Him throughout my time alone. God also put the thought in my mind to call a friend who worked for a local children's shelter and see if they needed help on Christmas Eve. This was completely the Holy Spirit and I am so thankful for it. I don't think I could have gone to the Christmas Eve service at my church and sat for one minute with all of the other "happy families" and pretended that I was just fine on my own. Luckily, the children's shelter did need help - so that year, without my children, I spent my Christmas Eve night with about 20 local children who were spending their Christmas without any parents. As I sat there looking around the room at the shelter, singing Christmas carols with these children on Christmas Eve night, I thought thankfully that at least I knew where my children were and how they were doing. At least I knew that they were safe and having fun. At least I knew they would be home in 2 days. These children at the shelter sat there on Christmas Eve night with no real "home", no idea where their moms and dads were, no idea if mom or dad were sober/healthy/safe, and no idea when or if they would ever see either parent again. What struck me the most, though, was that these children were happy. They weren't sitting at the shelter whining or complaining. They were singing, laughing, excited to go to sleep and wake up to open the gifts members of the community had provided for them. This pretty well put me back in my place! I spent the night that night at my parents' house so that I would not be alone and I can honestly say that I fell asleep in peace, touched beyond words by my experience at the shelter.

Lastly, and probably most selfishly, I also spent time planning a fun get-away for myself over the Holiday. I did not have anyone to travel with, so I humbly asked my parents if they would go away with me for a few days to a hotel and spa that I have been wanting to go to for years. Luckily they were able to go but if they had not been, I believe God would have provided another single mom, a friend, or peace by myself for me to get away. Having this time away to treat myself and relax and do things I would not have been able to do with my children was a huge blessing and helped occupy my time in a more than positive way.

By the time the day came for my children to return home, it honestly seemed like the time without them had flown by. I had prayed that God would show me how to spend that Christmas without them and He had answered my prayers above and beyond what I expected or imagined. I can honestly say that while there were difficult moments, all in all last Christmas was not a bad Christmas. I have memories from that Christmas, just like Christmases with my children, that I will treasure forever.

I warned you at the beginning of this story that there would be no earth-shattering advice or wisdom shared in this writing...only the account of how one single mom survived the holidays alone. But hopefully somewhere in there is some encouragement or idea you can grab a-hold of if you are spending your holiday alone this year. And if you are, please know that I am praying for you and will continue to pray for you and that our Father, who meets ALL of our needs in Christ Jesus, is able to bless your Christmas above and beyond what you could ever imagine. Trust Him with this Holiday as you trust Him with your heart, always.

Lord, I pray right now not only for all the single moms and dads out there who are spending Holidays without their children this year but also for military families, families who have loved ones in the hospital, families who have been separated by death, and any other families who are struggling right now. Lord, please help each of us to be so filled with your Spirit and your Presence that we would have that PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING this Christmas and New Years. Lord, please help us to remember that Christmas is not about us and how we feel but it is a time to look to YOU and to Your Son who came to FREE us from all sin, sorrow, and death. May we experience that freedom more than ever this year as we look to you in our time of need and trust in you to fill us to the measure of fullness with your love, peace, joy and hope. We love you Lord and we trust in you that you WILL meet ALL of our needs in Christ Jesus and in Him alone. In His name we pray...Amen!!

"[I pray that you may] know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:19-21

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Failing and Forgiveness

2008-12-16T19:59:00.005-05:00

The other day we were driving down the road and I found myself apologizing to my children again for being short with them that morning and for being "snappy" while trying to get them out of the house and off to school. It always amazes me how quick they are to forgive. They don't play any of the games that adults tend to play like pouting, saying they forgive you but still giving you the silent treatment, or saying they forgive you but then re-hashing everything you did that hurt them. They say "I forgive you Mommy!" with a genuine, sincere love and then act as if nothing ever happened, laughing and playing with me immediately in a fully restored relationship. I was thinking about this and how many times I screw up as a Mom and how many times my kids bounce back and forgive and still trust and love me and then the Lord spoke 1 Peter 4:8 to me, saying "Love covers a multitude of sins". The full verse in the Amplified version says "Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]." Proverbs 10:12 carries this same message in saying that "Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses."(NLT)

I see these verses as having a three-fold message. First, it is my children's unconditional and innocent love for me, which is a gift from God, that allows them to so easily forgive me. Secondly, I believe that it is because of MY love for THEM, which is also a gift from God, and their assurance of that love, that they are able to forgive me. God has so strongly placed it on my heart that I need to assure my children multiple times daily of my love for them - giving them a squeeze, a pat, a hug, verbally telling them I love them and I'm proud of them, saying I love them in as many different ways as I can. I want my children to be able to one day say "I grew up in an imperfect home with an imperfect mom, but I always knew that I was LOVED." That is more important to me than any other measure of "success". Thirdly, I believe that it is because of GOD'S love and His grace through His Son that my wrongs as a mom and my imperfections are covered. He knows I am doing my best. He knows my limitations. Because of His intense love for me, He will, and He does through the blood of Jesus, cover my imperfections and my mistakes.

Tonight I was putting my oldest to bed and he asked me if he could pray for me. He prayed "Lord, I thank you for my mommy. She works so hard all by herself with no help but she is never grumpy and does a good job. I know she is tired but she doesn't say she is tired and she still plays with me. I know my mommy loves me. Please send somebody to help my mommy so she doesn't have to do so much all alone." I was absolutely in shock, to say the least. And first of all, let me say that I am NOT writing this to brag - I am writing this because it glorifies God's mercy and His love and His power and Him alone because I DO COMPLAIN...I DO tell my children I am tired and cannot play...I AM grumpy - often - and I make mistakes DAILY with my children. I am an imperfect, fallen, tired, grumpy mom. But glory be to God, He has covered my imperfections in love and allowed my child to see me for a moment through these eyes of love. Needless to say, I was of course crying by the end of the prayer. To hear this prayer from my child was a gift from God saying "I see you, daughter, and I will take care of your human mistakes. Rest in Me and Rest in My LOVE."

I say all this to encourage you to LOVE your children and to tell them over and over, as much as you can, that you love them. When you yell at them, stop, sit down, pull them over to you and APOLOGIZE. Say to them "Mommy didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry. I love you so much. Please forgive me. You are important to me...." Your love, their love, and God's love WILL cover the multitude of your mistakes. Remind them daily that they are loved not only by you and other family and friends, but that they are the beloved children of their Father in Heaven. Tell them daily "God loves you so much. You are so loved. You are precious to God. So many people love you. Grandmama loves you, Aunt Sue loves you, your teacher loves you...." Knowing that they are surrounded by love not only from you and from others on earth but also by their heavenly Father WILL cover a multitude of wrongs, as written in 1 Cor 13:7-8 "Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails...."

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Cor 13:1-3

Deep Roots and Good Soil

2008-12-07T19:26:00.011-05:00

I grew up in a Christian home, but did not personally accept Christ until I was about 24 years old. Because the Lord delivered me from so much mess and darkness, I've always had a genuine and committed relationship with Him since the moment of my salvation but, for many years, much of my relationship was based on how I thought I SHOULD act and look as a "Christian" moreso than based on a deep love relationship and romance with my Father and my Savior. In Matthew chapter 6, Jesus talks to His followers about the "hypocrites" of the faith (most often represented by the Pharisees) and how they would live according to religious rules rather than a true love relationship with the Father. The word hypocrisy derives from the Greek ὑπόκρισις (hupokrisis), which means "play-acting", "acting out", "feigning, dissembling" (Oxford English Dictionary)- it was a word often used to refer to those on stage, actors wearing masks, PERFORMING for an audience. In many ways, when I first became a Christian, this is what I was doing. I didn't really know what a true relationship with the Lord looked like but I knew what the church said it was SUPPOSED to look like and so I performed and tried to live up to that image. The problem with this performance is that when you perform, there is no depth there, no true heart-felt response; it is only an outward act with no real substance behind it. Jesus referred to the Pharisees, who often carried out these religious performances for the sake of appearance, as "white-washed tombs". In Matthew 23:27, He says "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean." When we perform our religion with outer acts that we think are expected of us and pleasing to others, we too are those whitewashed tombs. We look good and clean on the outside but on the inside we are empty, rotting, dead, shallow. There is no life within us, no truth.

In Matthew 15:12-14, we are warned by Jesus of exactly what will happen if we choose to live our lives in this shallow way. His followers ask Him about the Pharisees and He answers, "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit." If you are living a life based on shallow religion rather than a true relationship, you WILL fall and not only will you fall, but those who depend on you and look up to you will fall also. Also -- If you are living a life based on shallow religion rather than a true relationship, you WILL be pulled up by the roots when the hard times hit - You WILL be uprooted. When the crap hit the fan in my life, I felt uprooted, pulled apart. I questioned my faith, I questioned my God, and I questioned His love for me. One day I was reading the Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13:1-23), where Jesus talks about the different types of soil and the good, deep, healthy soil versus the shallow, dry, bad soil. I was immediately convicted that there was something very wrong with MY "soil" - I had had my roots dug up so easily, my faith so vulnerable, my faith so shallow, because my roots and my faith were based more on that outward performance than on a true realization of my rebirth and my new spiritual identity and relationship with the Father. I realized that I did not truly KNOW who I was in Christ and I did not KNOW how much my Father loved me and wanted a real, love-based relationship with me. It was not until I came to him, arms open, asking Him to show me His love for me, that I began to grow and change and my roots began to grow deeper and deeper.

Ephesians 4:14 and James 1:6 both refer to those whose faith is weak as being like ships that are tossed upon the sea. I don't want to be a ship tossed on the sea, rocking back and forth, with no stability. I want the relationship that cries out Abba! Father! where I can step out in the storm like Peter (Matthew 14) and walk toward my Lord no matter what the wind and waves are doing around me. No matter how scary my circumstances look, no matter how hard the winds blow against me, if my roots are planted so deeply in His love and the truth of His hand in my life, then I WILL NOT be uprooted. I will trust in Him, knowing that no matter what happens, He loves me and He will make all things good. Whatever manure happens in my life, My Lord will take it, mulch it, turn it around, and use it for Holy fertilizer to grow something beautiful!!! I pray to God that I will never go back to putting on the mask, performing without true understanding. I pray that I will always know and rest in His love, trusting Him in all things. I pray for deep roots and good soil, that I may produce beautiful fruit and bring glory to His name, forever, Amen!

Oh Lord, I do not want to have shallow, vulnerable relationships with you. I want depth, Truth, and real life. Lord, you say that if we ask you for wisdom you will give it to us without reproach. Please show each of us the relationship you desire to have with us. Please show us your love - your deep, abiding love - and your acceptance. Lord, lead me deeper and deeper into a true love relationship with you, my Father and my Redeemer, that my faith may be strong and established and that I may never let myself be uprooted again. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Sleeping on the Job

2008-11-14T21:52:00.004-05:00

Recently, another single mom I met through friends, who is now a precious friend herself, asked me if I ever just feel exhausted, like she does. I don't even think that exhausted is the word. I cannot even sit down without falling asleep. I don't remember being this tired ever before, even when I had the children by myself while FP was constantly gone, "at work". It is a different kind of tired now...like those dreams you have where you feel like your body is like lead and you dream that you are trying to wake up and can't wake up - can't force your eyes open and can't speak.... It is sometimes like I am living inside one of those dreams and I'm scared it's real. I think "It's finally happened; I've had a stroke; I'm in a coma"...But then of course I DO wake up and then realize - "Nope, still here...just exhausted".

I tried to read one of my children a book the other day - a short children's book about elephants or pandas or some sort of wildlife - and fell asleep in the middle of reading the book babbling nonsense and trying to say "Panda" but sounding like a drunk- at 4:00 in the afternoon. I woke up to my child hitting me and shaking me awake. That's pretty sad. But today I felt like an 80 year old woman. My oldest child's class had a field trip today to go and see a play at the local theatre. I was really excited because I usually miss field trips because of work, and this was one I could go on. This was going to be precious time with my child. He didn't have to be at school as we would all meet at the auditorium later in the morning, so the two of us had a sweet, special breakfast together. I made his favorite breakfast, we chatted while I sipped my coffee- very Norman Rockwell. We walked hand in hand into the theatre and picked our seats out right behind our good friends, M and D, and after some drama about where exactly he would sit or not sit, we settled in and got ready for the play to begin. Then the lights went down in the auditorium and all went dark. Uh-oh. To me, that is like the bell ringing for Pavlov's dogs. Within probably 20 minutes, I was out cold. At one point, my child hit me and told me to wake up but I just rolled over in my seat and drooled on the other side of the armrest. Then M turned around and jostled me, shaking her head in disbelief (but laughing her tail off of course). I was able to rally for the rest of the play after being jostled and tsked by M....and so I tried to make up for it by putting my arm around my child and making a few comments in his ear about the play. But I wonder how he will remember that moment...or any of the other moments I tried to read with them, play with them, watch a movie with them, and instead ended up drooling on myself. My only consolation is that surely one day, when they have their own children, they will understand and say "Wow, Mom, I can't believe you did this alone!" But I don't know if that day will come - I'm not holding my breath.

All I do know is that my God is El Roi - He is the God who sees - and I believe that He, My Father who knows every hair on my head, who knows every thought in my head before I even think it, who knew me before creation of the world.... He knows how truly exhausted I am and He sees my heart. He knows that I did not willfully sleep through that time with my child. He knows that I am not exhausted from laziness or poor lifestyle choices or rebellion. I don't even know why I am exhausted, but it is not due to any poor choice on my part...it just is what it is. And I serve a God who judges me not by my outward appearance or outward "weakness", but by my heart (1 Sam 16:7). He knows that in my heart I long to be with my children, to spend precious time with them, to fill their hearts to the fullest. He knows what hopes and desires are in my heart for my children and, whether or not I am able to make those things happen in my flesh, I believe that God will honor these hopes and desires because He will honor my heart and He will honor my children, who are even more precious to Him than they are to me. A lot of people talk about "standing in the gap" (Ezek 22) and use this to talk about intercessory pray for weaker believers or non-believers. I believe, based on Romans 8:26, that my Father, my Savior, will "stand in the gap" for me. He knows my weaknesses and my short-falls and if I ask Him to in prayer, He will fill those places in for me and fill those needs in my children that I am not able to fill. I FREQUENTLY pray this over them and it is amazing how many of my short-comings God has covered in His grace. I pray that He will fill in the cracks and holes that I leave behind and that He will help my children see my love for them and not my failures. I pray that in their little brains He would diminish those times of me falling asleep on them and that He would magnify those times of laughter and fun that we are able to have together (after I have a few espressos from Starbucks). I pray that He would open their eyes to see the love in their Mom's heart and that they too would not judge me by my outer weakness but by the truth of how much they must know I care about them and for them. And I will trust in Him to do this, because He is my Father, the Creator of heaven and earth. If He can create life from out of nothing, He surely can and will awaken a miracle in my sleepy home.

Thoughts on Divorce and Remarriage

2008-11-07T19:12:00.006-05:00

I am sure that I am not the ONLY single parent out there who wonders about divorce and remarriage and the Biblical view of all this. Just out of curiosity, I did a google search a few months ago on "What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage" and of course about 80 gazillion sites came up, and about as many different opinions on each site.

I have really prayed about this issue and I believe I have just placed it before God to guide me on His paths...and so I'm trusting Him to give me wisdom when it is needed. Anyway, while searching and praying a few months ago, I found this article/pamphlet on the subject that I thought was VERY well written and I just wanted to share it with any other single parents out there who may have the same questions. It is by RBC Ministries -- the people who write "Our Daily Bread". I have always liked material they have written, and used to read the "Our Daily Bread" pamphlets each month, so I was excited that they had published something on this particular issue.

Anyway, if you are interested in this subject and you would like to read their article, which studies divorce and remarriage from a Biblically based viewpoint, then please CLICK HERE to be linked to that article. If you know of someone else who might be interested, you can order copies of this article in pamphlet form from the website - Or you could just send them the link!

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5 (NLT)

RBC Ministries home page: http://www.rbc.org/index.aspx

Out With the Old, In With the New

2008-11-06T20:28:00.005-05:00

It's night-time, after bedtime. The house is perfectly quiet and still...peaceful. It would be the ideal time to drape myself across the sofa, light a candle, eat chocolates, and read a favorite book - time to just self-indulge for a moment and roll around in the quiet and solitude. But...that is VERY rarely what actually happens. I either fall asleep before my head even hits the pillow or I am endlessly trying to catch up on, as I have referred to before, my many "piles" around the house. My piles contain all sorts of objects - papers that I swear one day I will file, bills that I swear one day I will pay, my child's plastic cowboy whose cowboy hat I will super-glue back on eventually, one AA battery that I will one day test to see if it's good or bad, some outgrown clothes that eventually will make it into a bag and then to Goodwill, a Birthday card or two that will be thrown away when I get around to it, maybe some photos that I swear will make it into that album I have been meaning to purchase for 2 years, a magazine or two that I keep meaning to look at, etc., etc.... I will freely and without shame admit that I am a "pile" person. I love to make little piles because it makes me feel organized and when I "clean", this means I shift my piles from one room to another and change things from pile A to pile D and from pile F to pile C and maybe every now and then, on a caffeine-charged day, I can even eradicate a pile or two. Then I can feel really productive.

My favorite thing to do with my piles, though, is to shred papers. I don't know why, but I find it very cathartic to shred things. I make piles of old papers, old schoolwork from the kids (not the footprint reindeer or any of the keepsake stuff of course), junk mail, you name it, and then I just sit and shred - listening to that glorious ripping sound as the paper is torn apart and annihilated, rendered forever illegible. I have even been known to bring home old papers from work (even though we have a shredder at work) and shred them....The other day I came in for work and SL said "I have a surprise for you!" with a big grin on her face - it was a pile of papers for me to shred. Pitiful, huh? So as I am writing this I am thinking maybe I do have a problem. I'm sure that if I sat down with someone talented in psychoanalysis, they could come up with some sort of fascinating reason behind this fetish for shredding things. I think that I just like the finality of it - there is a paper that I don't want any more - I never want to look at it again or think about it again and so, in shredding it, I have forever destroyed that document and can now take it to the recycling place and save some trees and I can know that my house is now a few pounds lighter in useless paperwork.

Since my divorce, I have finally in the last 9 months found a peace and a lack of fear that I've never known before. After months of panic attacks, depression, inability to sleep, and fearfulness, I finally have a peace that passes understanding. I have had some people ask questions in the last year or so like "Doesn't it bother you when he......" or "Do you every worry about _________ with the kids" and "How do you respond to this when he...." In the past, my answer to all of those questions would have been an emotion-filled "YES!!!" "Yes, it drives me crazy," "Yes I am scared to death," "Yes my heart starts racing and I think I'm going to pass out when I think about that", "Yes, yes, yes"..... But the problem is that when I lived in that constant state of fear and dread, every event, every circumstance, every call, every E-mail, would just add useless and foul clutter to another "pile" that was already in my mind. Then there were more piles and more and more and my mind was so cluttered that I literally couldn't even think straight.

Finally, I just got sick of it. Not just a pitiful, whiny "I'm tired of feeling this way, poor me" but a determined, put-the-gloves-on, ready-to-fight-and-destroy sick of it where I told God I would do whatever it took to be rid of the clutter. I just decided that enough was enough and it was time to do some serious shredding. So, one Saturday morning, after I had been fasting for about 2 weeks, I fell face-forward before God and told Him I was sick of carrying all this crap and all these fears around and I was ready to just let Him eradicate all of it. And He did - but it took me getting to that point of being sick and tired of holding on to it before I would truly give it to Him and not take it back in my own hands. It also took me getting to the point that I would do anything to get rid of it because part of what He wanted me to do - which involved total forgiveness of all those who had hurt me - I was not ready for until that point.

This is not to say that I am never fearful at all or that I don't ever worry about my children and their safety. But it is different now. I hold that thought in my hand for a brief moment and I look over it and think about whether that is a thought I want to keep around or not. I would never keep a dirty diaper or a rotting piece of chicken in one of my many piles at my house. I don't just throw any old thing into one of my piles; it has to be inspected and categorized first! Just so, I don't want just any fearful, angry, or bitter thoughts stinking up my mind and infecting my thoughts - so, instead of filing that thought away for later use, I take it to God and I ask Him to shred it once and for all and I pray His forgiveness and grace and HIS protection and justice over the issue. And when it sneaks back in my head, which they often do, I quickly discard it again, knowing I have given it to my Father and He will take care of it.

If you are sick of the panic, the fear, the anger, the bitterness, the sadness, you will never 100% be able to let go of it unless you get so absolutely sick of it that you decide to destroy it and refuse to let it back in. If you don't shred it, it can always come back to haunt you. The Lord CAN change this in you if you let Him - it is for freedom that He has set you free in Christ and He wants you to be free indeed, with nothing holding you back (Gal 5:1, John 8:36). So let go of this yoke that is not from Him and let Him destroy it in the name of Jesus.

2 Timothy 2:22-24 (Amplified)
Shun youthful lusts (see 1 Peter 2:1) and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart.
But refuse (shut your mind against, have nothing to do with) trifling (ill-informed, unedifying, stupid) controversies over ignorant questionings, for you know that they foster strife and breed quarrels.
And the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome (fighting and contending). Instead, he must be kindly to everyone and mild-tempered [preserving the bond of peace]; he must be a skilled and suitable teacher, patient and forbearing and willing to suffer wrong."

What do YOU do all day?

2008-11-02T21:13:00.006-05:00

Don't you just HATE that question of "what did you do all day?" Maybe I am alone, but I have always hated that question....Sometimes night time will creep up on me and before I know it, it is 10:00 PM, which is supposed to be my bedtime (though I'll most likely push it until 11 or 11:30). By the time "bedtime" rolls around though, I am seriously in shock when I look at the clock and see what time it is. Is it really that late? WHAT have I been doing all day? What do I have to show for myself? I am a "list of do's" type person, so before I will allow myself to go to bed at night, I have to justify to myself that I have done everything I could do to keep the house in order, have all things neat and taken care of, etc. This list is rarely ever accomplished, so of course I go to bed many times feeling guilty, lazy, or unsuccessful at my day no matter what I have done that day. There is still always something else left to do - another pile of laundry, another pile of papers to file, another pile of dishes to clean, another pile of mail to go through...there is always something. Sometimes when I focus too much on all the somethings, I can start to panic and feel like I'm going to drown in my own home. How will I ever get organized? How long can I keep shoving things into piles and shuffling those piles around? How in the world does a family as tiny as ours produce so much laundry?

The other day, I was studying the story of Noah (Genesis 6 and 7) and God has just kept this story with me throughout the whole week. He has just really impressed me with the importance of Noah's faithfulness and his patient trust in God to diligently do what God called him to do, no matter how tedious or pointless it seemed at the time. Have you ever really thought about how Noah must have felt, what temptations must have flitted through his head while building the ark, just hammering away day in and day out with not a rain cloud in sight while everyone around him sat on their tails and made fun of him? Regardless of whatever might have come into his head, though, he resisted quitting and instead kept hammering and working away at what the Lord had called him to do.

There is no real agreement on how long it took Noah to build the ark. Some say 120 years but others say 100 years, 75 years, or 50 years. Overall, the general consensus of most scholars is that it took the man a LONG time - at least 40-50 years. This would be years of just hammering one board and then the next, probably often by himself. You can only hammer one board at a time, you know. Perhaps his 3 sons may have helped him some, but we are not told if they in fact did help or not. We do know that no one else in the community was helping, because they all thought Noah was absolutely crazy. And, as there was really no way for Noah to speed up the whole ark building process, I wonder if he ever went to bed at night frustrated with his day, obsessing about how many boards he had nailed in, how much work he had left to do before the floods came. Or did he go to bed in peace, knowing that he had done all he could do that day and that the work would be finished in God's timing. Did he go to sleep knowing that even though the ark wasn't finished yet on day one, year one, year ten, etc....he could sleep in peace knowing he had been obedient to God by hammering one board in at a time.

Elisabeth Elliot says very simply, "When you don't know what to do next, just do the next thing." That is exactly what Noah did. He could not have known what the rain would be like; they had never seen anything like what God was going to do with the flood. He could not have known how the animals would come or when or where; I seriously doubt that all of those animals were lined up just watching him build the ark for 40 plus years....But he plugged away at doing "the next thing," even though he couldn't see the how or the why, simply because God had promised him that the floods would come and that the animals would come and that God would take care of the rest. He just kept doing what God called him to do, trusting God for the end result.

Right now, I am called by God to be a mom. Unfortunately, I am a single mom and I work so this does limit me in some ways BUT I am still first a mom and, with God's grace and His Spirit in me, I am able to fulfill whatever he wants me to accomplish. Right now my number one job that I feel God has called ME to do is to build the foundation on an ark for each of my children - so that one day, when they get ready to leave my home, they have a firm foundation to sail away on. I am adding one board at a time onto that ark. As they get older, I am teaching and will teach them how to add their own boards and nail them in. And hopefully, in however many years it takes to build their arks, they will be ready when the floods come.

To be perfectly honest, I think it is tedious as HECK building these arks. I am sick of one board at a time, one nail at a time, hammering away and not seeing the end-product. It would be so much easier to just order them an ark out of a catalog - why do I have to take time to build this ark with them myself?? They are so little, so young, that I am tempted to watch movies and read brainless novels instead of hammer boards and nails; I don't see any rainclouds on the horizon yet, so why should I waste my time? I also don't see any elephants or zebras lining up outside my house yet so can't I just do what I want to do instead of be the mom God called me to be?

But....If I lay down my hammer and my nails, then I am just as guilty as Noah's neighbors who yelled insults at him, ultimately mocking him for following the Lord. I KNOW in my heart that God has called me to invest in my children, to sow seeds in their lives, to teach them, to train them, to build them up. And if Noah could build a 450 foot ark by himself before the days of mass production, lumber mills, hardware stores, etc., then I can build my ark today too. The God who empowered Noah is my Lord too. He is the God of Noah, of Abraham, of Joseph, of Ruth, Esther - and He is the God who lives in me. So my arms are tired and I just want to go to bed, but I will pick up my hammer when He tells me to and I will hammer in .... one... more... board... and then another......and then another......and then another.... no matter how tedious it is. I will keep doing all of the little things that seem so pointless to me, but which are ALL part of that foundation that is necessary - one board at a time and one nail at a time - trusting in His call to just do the next thing and believing that in all of this, He will be glorified.

Deut 11:18-21 "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth."

Taking It Into Your Own Hands

2008-10-21T21:06:00.002-04:00

We are told in God's Word to "Be still and wait patiently for the Lord," to "Be still and know that [He is] God" and that "In quietness and trust is [our] strength." (Psalm 37:7, Psalm 46:10, Is 30:15).
Psalm 37:4-5 says "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this." In fact, we are told repeatedly in Psalms and by the prophet Isaiah to "Trust in the Lord" - over and over and over. Additionally, Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

I was struggling with all of this very recently while I was dealing with something I have been dealing with for quite some time. It is a desire that I have that I tend to let go of and lay at God's feet every so often, only to take it back up again and fret over it after a few weeks of leaving it with God. Ever have one of those? I can get to a point of total peace where I say "Okay, Lord, I have given this desire to You, I have laid it at Your feet, and I trust You that Your will be done and that you will meet ALL of my needs in Christ Jesus" and I really can let go of it and feel 100 pounds lighter, free of my burden. Then, out of nowhere - bam! It's back, knocking at my door saying "Hellooooo! Remember me? I'm still here! Watcha gonna do about it?" and then I have to start over again, piece by piece giving it back to God and letting go.
Well, a few weeks ago when this desire came knocking at my door and then banging at my door and then pounding on my doorbell repeatedly, I became tempted to just take matters into my own hands. I knew I had given it to God, but then I figured that He's so busy with the rest of the world and all, that maybe He just needed a tee-tiny littttle bit of help from me. Maybe if I just pull this string here and that string there, I can just ease things along a little bit and make it all go a little faster. Never mind that God had previously given me a peace about my desire and had previously told me He would take care of it in HIS timing. Here it was again, at my front door, and I was just itching to throw that door wide open in my own flesh.

Mercifully and with grace, during all of this, God gave me the familiar story of Sarah and Hagar in Genesis Chapters 15-17 . In chapter 15, we see God promise to Abraham of a son, an heir. Abraham believes God "and it is credited to him as righteousness". But Sarah has a bit of a problem with waiting to see how this promise will unfold according to GOD'S plan, so she decides to help things along a bit (Sound familiar?) She decides to pull a string here, pull a string there, and....well....to throw her maidservant (Hagar) into bed with her own husband so that an heir can be born in HER timing. It's so easy to shake our heads at this story and say "Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...what were you thinking???" but how often have we done the same?
So, as the history tells us, Hagar does in fact become pregnant and gives birth to Ishmael who, according to the Lord, "will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers." Ishmael was NOT the child of the promise and covenant (that would be Isaac); Ishmael was the child borne of Sarah's fleshly manipulation and now, because Sarah did not "Wait upon the Lord," she has ended up hurting herself, her husband, her maidservant, and the innocent baby Ishmael. Now that ought to make you sit up and think about waiting for God's timing.
When God gave this story to me, He gave it with a gentle warning: "Daughter....DON'T give birth to an Ishmael." It was that simple, and has been repeated to me many times when I'm tempted to take things in my own hands: "Daughter, don't give birth to an Ishmael."
So... I have a choice. I can take things into my own hands and manipulate my situation and maybe a small representation of God's answer to my desires can be popped out as a result of my manipulations and scheming...OR, I can wait on HIS will and perfect timing and gain the FULL representation of His perfect promise. In short, I have to ask myself if I would rather have an Ishmael, the quick way...my way....or would I rather have an ISAAC - in God's timing and according to HIS plan?
After carefully weighing all my options and looking at the path in front of me, I have decided that I want an Isaac, not an Ishmael. So each time my desire comes banging at my door, I will stand on the other side of the door, praying for God's answer to the knocking and not my own...and I will NOT go and answer that door until God opens it FOR me.

* I just have to add: It is easy to look at the story of Sarah and Hagar and Ishmael and to see this as God not being fair. Why should Hagar and Ishmael suffer because of obeying the master's wife? And what about poor Sarah who had a momentary lapse in judgement? This can all add fuel to Satan's fire of wanting us to see God as unfair and punishing. Please read on, though, and see that God does redeem the situation after a mediation by Abraham -see Gen 17:19-27 -
Please read this Scripture and know that just as God redeemed Sarah's mistake and later let her be known as one of the "holy women of the past who put their hope in God..." and as a "beautiful" woman (1 Peter 3:5-6) - God will also one day redeem OUR mistakes through OUR mediator, Christ Jesus - see 1 Tim 2:5 and Heb 9:15). Praise Him for His MERCY and His GRACE. Amen!

Resting in My Father's Arms

2008-10-18T17:58:00.002-04:00

I was tired, worn out, and wanting a vacation from life. God spoke to me, telling me that He had planned a break for me – a vacation time to rest with Him and would I please come as soon as possible. So, nervously, I started to pack my things. I grabbed every bag I had, not really knowing where God was going to take me and what things I would need. I packed all sorts of different outfits – cold weather, warm weather, in-between weather, casual clothes, fancy clothes, outdoor gear, etc. I packed all of my toiletries and threw in some extra first-aid items just in case – band-aids, medicines, extra make-up. Then I started to think that God would want to see everything I had been doing lately and I could show Him how hard I had been working at being a mom, a member of my community, and at my job. I started packing up files, papers, everything I could find to show all the good I had done recently so that God would be proud of me. I knew that the time was coming when it would be time to leave for my vacation so I became more and more frantic, trying to find everything I would need before leaving. I drove around town trying to find any last minute items I may have forgotten and picking up last minute proof that I could find of my hard work and diligence. By the time it was time to go, I was stressed and exhausted, thinking it would have just been easier to stay at home and keep up my ordinary routine rather than having to go to all this trouble to go and meet with God. When I finally arrived at my location, I knew I was late and I came running in through the two huge double doors, bags in hand, papers flying all around me, hair disheveled, clothes wrinkled, worn out and panting for breath. God was sitting there, just waiting for me, compassion and love lighting His face.
Gently, and with no condemnation He asked me: “Where have you been, daughter? I’ve been here, just waiting for you!”
“Oh Father! I’ve been running around, trying to get everything ready – I’ve been working so hard – I have so many things I want to show you – Look at everything I’ve done and I’ve worked so hard on! Aren’t you proud???”
There was a moment of silence and then God said “Beloved, you have run around gathering all of these things, tiring yourself out, and for what? This whole time you could have been HERE, with ME, resting in Me.... Do you not know that I have already seen all those things that you have done, and that I was there with you, beside you? There is no need for you to bring ANYTHING to me – I am the one who has already given it all TO you and I am the one who enabled you to do all that is good and right. I already know and see it all. Beloved, when I ask you come to be with me, I already have everything that you need. You do not need to pack anything. You do not need to prepare anything. This is not supposed to be a task. I have everything already here, in my hands. Just come to me and BE. I am not asking anything else of you and there is nothing I want from you than just to be with you and to provide for you. Lay all of that down and come, now, and rest in me, daughter.”
God held His arms out to me and in my heart I realized that my bags, my papers, everything I had brought with me – it was all useless, pointless. I could have been here sooner, resting instead of running around, spending time with my Father instead of being alone and frantic. I dropped everything and watched it all blow away and I felt nothing by letting it go. I was in the presence of the Almighty – what did all those other things matter anymore? I let it all go and walked up to the arms of my Father, crawled onto His lap and into His arms with nothing weighing me down, and nothing in my hands. With empty hands I was able to grab onto Him, holding Him, trusting Him, letting HIM provide all that I ever needed. And then I was finally able to rest, peaceful, lying empty handed but with my heart full of joy in my Father’s arms. And, for the first time in weeks, months, years – I was finally able to REST, comforted, protected, beloved, and lacking in no good thing.

1 Cor 13 - It's Not Just For Weddings Any More!

2008-10-15T22:09:00.004-04:00

In 1 John 4:8, We are told that "God IS Love". The Greek word for "Love" here in this verse is "agape", which comes from "agapao" meaning "to love, beloved, affection or benevolence, a (feast of) charity, dear, love". This same exact Greek word for "love" used to describe God in 1 John 4:8 is also used in the infamous 1 Corinthians 13 "Love is patient, love is kind...." scripture passage quoted so often at weddings.
What is so neat to me is that if God IS Love, as I am told in 1 John 4:8, then it stands to reason that I can look at this 1 Corinthians 13 chapter in a new light, like this:
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not [my relationship with] GOD, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal (I make no sense in the long run when I try to reach out to others). If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not GOD, I am nothing (Apart from Him I can do NOTHING). If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not GOD, I gain nothing (unless the foundation is built upon the Lord, the builders labor in vain).
GOD is patient, long-suffering, not treating us as our wrongs deserve. He is rich in mercy and compassion and abounding in love (Eph 2:4, Psalm 86:15)
GOD is kind, acting in benevolence. He wants what is GOOD and BEST for His precious children and shows His kindness even to the wicked and ungrateful (Luke 6:35).
GOD does not envy (He does not move with negative feelings against us), GOD is not boastful and He is not proud, vain, haughty or puffed up. He is not "vainglorious" and does not lord Himself fearfully over us to induce fear in us (Phil 2:5-8). GOD is not conceited, arrogant, or inflated with pride.
GOD is not rude or unseemly and He does not act unbecomingly or indecently.
GOD does not pursue things only for His own sake, but for the sake of those He loves, seeking not things for Himself but for His children whom He loves.
GOD is not easily angered or provoked (Numbers 14:8 "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion..."), and He keeps no record of our wrongs, no account of the evil we have done against Him (Psalm 103:12, Isaiah 43:25, Heb 8:12, Heb 10:17).
GOD does not delight in evil things or in wrong-doing against His children, He does not delight in what is hurtful or unjust, but He rejoices when Truth and justice and right prevail.
GOD always protects, quietly covering all things. He always bears up under anything and everything that comes along and He always trusts, ever-ready to believe the best of every person. His hope is ever-lasting and never fades under any circumstances and He endures ALL things, persevering with us without weakening. He will never leave us or forsake us.
GOD never fails. He never fades, never weakens, never becomes obsolete and never comes to an end. He is The One who was, is and ever will be. He has the victory forever and ever. He is the Alpha AND Omega, the beginning AND the end!
All else will cease, be stilled, pass away, fade away, and be abolished. But GOD, the greatest of all, the ONE TRUE God will remain, Forever and ever, Amen Amen.

Oh Lord, teach me who you REALLY ARE through your Word - teach me about your love for me, your forgiveness, your grace, your mercy. Help me Lord to have a heart full of "good soil" that will not be choked by the weeds of the world, where you are so mis-represented and misunderstood. I will NOT define you by what I see in this fallen world, and with fallen people speaking from fallen tongues. I will go to your Word where you reveal yourself to me from Genesis to Revelation, showing me the love that can now be mine through your Son, who covers all my unrighteousness, all my iniquities. He is my mediator of this NEW covenant with you. Help me Lord to learn more and more about who I am in you through the blood of the New Covenant. The old is gone and the new has come - PRAISE GOD. I love you Lord and I stand ready with listening ears and an open heart, waiting to hear and absorb your words. Plant them in my heart, in my soul and in my mind. In Jesus's name, Amen.

Wisdom from Elisabeth Elliot

2008-10-06T08:55:00.005-04:00

If you know me very well at all, then you would know that two of my favorite authors are Elisabeth Elliot and Joyce Meyer. The funny thing is that I never cared much about what either of these women wrote until after my divorce. I used to not "get" E. Elliot - People would recommend her to me, but I always thought she was "a bit much" - now, as I read her writings from a new perspective, her wisdom astounds me. If you don't know much about her life, she was the wife of missionary Jim Elliot, who was murdered by the very tribe that he and his friends were trying to minister to. Elisabeth, who had just recently had a child with Jim, did not run away to America crying and questioning God. Instead, she allowed God to use her in her new-found circumstances, trusting Him that He had a larger plan for her life. E. Elliot, with her amazing faith, stayed, as a single mom, where her husband had been murdered and eventually ended up living WITH the very tribe that had killed him, leading many of them to Christ. She is truly amazing. When I read devotions she has written, I know that she is not writing them from a "warm fuzzy" point of view, just reciting things she wished she believed, but she is writing them through real, raw experience and pain. Anyway, every morning I get an "Elisabeth Elliot" devotion in my Inbox through Back to the Bible Daily Devotions and rarely does it fail to minister to me that day. If you have a hard time finding time for a morning devotion but always seem to find time to check your E-mail, then I recommend that you pick one of these morning devotions to receive daily by E-mail. It will start your morning off the right way!
This morning, E. Elliot's devotion was just so awesome to me because it went along so much with my last post, so I had to copy it and paste it on here. I hope it will encourage you like it did me!

Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: Keep A Quiet Heart
Scripture Reference: Ephesians 1:11 Luke 1:35 Psalm 131:1-2 Deuteronomy 30:11-14 Job 42:3

The Incarnation is a Thing Too Wonderful

...When the angel Gabriel told Mary, "You will be with child and give birth to a son," she had a simple question about the natural: How can this be, since I am a virgin?!
The answer had to do not with the natural but with something far more mysterious --something, in fact, entirely supernatural: "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the Most High will overshadow you" (Luke 1:35, NIV). That was too wonderful, and Mary was silent. She had no question about the supernatural. She was satisfied with God's answer.
The truth about the Incarnation is a thing too wonderful for us. Who can fathom what really took place first in a virgin's womb in Nazareth and then in a stable in Bethlehem!
At the end of the book of Job, instead of answering his questions, God revealed to Job the mystery of Who He was. Then Job despised himself. "I have uttered what I did not understand,/ things too wonderful for me, which I did not know" (Job 42:3, RSV).
In one of David's "songs of ascents" he wrote, "My heart is not proud, O Lord,/ my eyes are not haughty;/ I do not concern myself with great matters/ or things too wonderful for me./ But I have stilled and quieted my soul; / like a weaned child with its mother,/ like a weaned child is my soul within me" (Psalm 131:1,2, NIV).
A close and fretful inquiry into how spiritual things "work" is an exercise in futility. Even wondering how "natural" things are going to work if you bring God into them--how God will answer a prayer for money, for example, or how your son-in-law is going to find a house for eight in southern California (on a pastor's salary) is sometimes an awful waste of energy. God knows how. Why should I bother my head about it if I've turned it over to Him? If the Word of the Lord to us is that we are "predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with his purpose" (Ephesians 1:11, NIV), we may apprehend this fact by faith alone. By believing that God means just what He says, and by acting upon the word (faith always requires action), we apprehend it--we take hold of it, we make it our own. We cannot make it our own by mere reason--"I don't see how such-and-such an incident can possibly have anything to do with any divine 'plan.'"
Why should we see how! Is it not sufficient that we are told that it is so? We need not see. We need only believe and proceed on the basis of that assured fact.
Mary's acceptance of the angel's answer to her innocent question was immediate, though she could not imagine the intricacies and mysteries of its working in her young virgin body. She surrendered herself utterly to God in trust and obedience.
Do you understand what is going on in the invisible realm of your life with God? Do you see how the visible things relate to the hidden Plan and Purpose? Probably not. As my second husband Addison Leitch used to say, "You can't unscrew the Inscrutable." But you do see at least one thing, maybe a very little thing, that He wants you to do. "Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult [other translations say too hard, too wonderful] for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven.... nor is it beyond the sea.... no, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it" (Deuteronomy 30:11-14, NIV).
Let it suffice you, as it sufficed Mary, to know that God knows. If it's time to work, get on with your job. If it's time to go to bed, go to sleep in peace. Let the Lord of the Universe do the worrying.
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Lord, I cannot see or understand how you will work all things in my life together for good, but I WILL believe it because your Word says so and your Word is Truth. I will base my trust and my joy not on what I see, but on what you have promised in your Word. You, God, are Light and in you there is no darkness at all, not in any way (1 John 1:5). I trust in you Lord with ALL my heart and I will NOT rely on my own understanding (Prov 3:5), but instead I will trust only, wholly, solely in You and WHO YOU ARE, as revealed in Your Word. In Jesus's name - Amen.

Some Clarification...Maybe?

2008-10-04T21:23:00.005-04:00

I think most of us have heard the saying "It's not important WHO you are, but WHOSE you are..." - Basically making the point that what gives us clear direction in life and the freedom that we all crave is to fully know and grasp the fact that we are children of God, fully accepted and fully loved, and to know our position in Christ is secure through His death on the cross and resurrection. We know that there is nothing that can make Him love us any more than He already does, as we are NOT saved according to our works (Ephesians 2:8-9) and not loved according to our works; along these same lines, there is nothing we can do to make Him love us any LESS than He already does (Romans 8:34-39). I was talking about all of this with a friend the other day and talking with her about grasping God's love for us and trusting that He longs to bless us, longs to be gracious to us, longs to protect us, provide for us, care for us, etc. (Isaiah 30:18, Psalm 116:5-7, Romans 10:11-13) - these are not just promises for "other people" but these are promises for ALL of us who are in Christ - His blood did not just cover a few of us who believe, but His promises and blessings are true for ALL of us who believe. So when I try to explain this to people and try to explain God's amazing love that is there for them to grab hold of, I get asked a similar question a lot - "So, does this mean that you believe in 'prosperity preaching'? " (And DH, I know you are probably reading this and thinking of our conversation the other day but I want you to know that I AM NOT talking about you!!) Seriously, I get asked this a lot by people I share my testimony with and my understanding of God's love for me - there is this concept of "If God loves me and wants to prosper me, does this means that if I really love Him, I'll be rich, have everything I ever wanted, never get sick, never have adversity", and so on. I just want to clarify once and for all that this is so not what I am saying. What I am saying is that life WILL be hard, and adversity WILL come. This is obvious as we live in a fallen world, where the "god of this age" (Satan) has been given permission, until the end time, to roam free in this world (2 Cor 4:4). So there WILL be corruption, there WILL be evil, there WILL be confusion, sadness, and pain and all of our lives as believers will look VERY different from one another, according to many different factors. One of us may be richer in finances, another richer in faith, another richer in health, and another richer in joy. No matter what our individual gifts are from the Lord, however, we all have the same position in Christ and we are all just as blessed as the other.
John 16:33 says "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Our confidence, peace and joy lie not in the hope that we will never have problems and always have everything we want, but in the hope that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, our Lord has OVERCOME the world and the final victory and the final say-so are HIS. As N.D. says to me, "God's endings are ALWAYS good, so if it's not good yet, then it's not over yet." Our hope in the Lord and our belief in His love for us are not based on material things we have or don't have or on how "easy" our life is - our hope is simply based on the fact of God's POWER to take care of all things, since He is in charge of all things, and that the final outcome will be for His glory no matter WHAT it looks like to us in this world (Ephesians 1:16-22). My hope is not in this world or in what I have in this world; my hope is in Christ alone and in His power and His provision (Colossians 1:27) and in His promise that no matter what happens and no matter how bad or ugly things look in this life, HE WILL work ALL of those things for His good and His glory (Romans 8:28). So, to give an over-all answer about "prosperity preaching" - no, I do not believe that because God loves me this means He wants to give me a beach house, a private jet, and clear me of all troubles in this life. What I DO believe is that no matter how little I think I have, no matter how hopeless things look according to the world's standards, and no matter how terrible I sometimes "feel", I serve a God who is so far above ALL of my circumstances, that I have nothing to fear and nothing to bemoan - He is my Abba, Daddy, and He is going to take care of ALL of it. And whether or not His way of taking care of it is the way I wish it would be done, His way is always best and always good and I will trust in Him - HE IS GOD, and I am not!! He is LOVE, and His way is best. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-sufficient and I WILL trust in Him - not because I "feel" like it, but because there is no other way to live my life but to trust in Him.
"Trust and Obey; for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to Trust and Obey"

Lord, I will trust in You and Your Goodness. I trust that you LOVE me, all the time, no matter how I feel. I trust that nothing can make you love me more or less; I am loved by your grace alone and nothing can take away from or add anything to your grace. No matter what this life looks like to me, I know that this world is not my home (Hebrews 11) and that I am a stranger here, with a better life waiting for me ahead. Lord, you will work all things for good and you will be glorified. I trust in you that no matter what happens, you will take care of me and do what is best for me in YOUR judgement and not my own. Your will and not mine be done. In Jesus's name, Amen.

The Single Mom's Mite

2008-10-01T21:32:00.007-04:00

There is a story in the Bible that is known as "The Widow's Mite" (Luke 21:1-4 and Mark 12:38-44) -- a "mite" being a monetary term of course -- This story is also known as "The Widow's Offering".
Luke 21:1-4 says: "While Jesus was in the Temple, he watched the rich people dropping their gifts in the collection box. Then a poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. “I tell you the truth,” Jesus said, “this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has.”

1 Samuel 16:7 says: "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
John 7:24 says: "Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment"
Proverbs 21:2 says: "All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart"

When we think of our tithes and offerings, we are often told to not just think of these as monetary gifts but also to think about the amount of time we "tithe" to the Lord each day. Your tithe is giving the Lord your "first-fruits" - giving back to Him a portion of what He has blessed you with, for every good and perfect gift that you have is from Him in the first place (James 1:17). He gives us 24 new hours each day and we choose how to use each of those hours. If we dedicate a portion of that time back to Him, spending time in worship, prayer, and in His Word, then we are tithing that time and thanking Him for blessing us with each day He gives us. A lot of times we have preconceived notions of what that time should look like, based on books we've read, speakers we've heard, other Godly women who tell us how THEY spend THEIR time. This can all be very overwhelming for a single mom who barely has time to brush her own teeth before bed. Fitting into the "Required Quiet Time" mold set by so many well-meaning people should come with "Caution!: Guilt Trip Up Ahead!!!" warning signs for those moms who cannot fit into this mold. The Lord does not stand with a stopwatch, clocking your "30 minute quiet time". The Lord does not stand waiting to see if your prayers contain the Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication model. He does not hold a schedule over your head saying that "Quiet Time", if you even want to call it that, HAS to be first thing in the morning, before anyone else gets up. If any of these are things the Lord has put specifically on YOUR heart to practice and you are able to follow through with them with a joyful heart, then wonderful! But for some moms, these and many other different "methods" may not be practical.
When considering how best to spend time with the Lord, please remember that the Lord looks at your HEART, not your outward "Quiet Time" appearance.
If I pick a "model" for how to spend time with the Lord because I feel like it is what I am "supposed to do" but it's not really what works for me, then the Lord will know that my heart is not in it and that I am only going through the motions of worshiping him, with no true worship in my heart. And who wants to spend time with someone whose heart is not there with them, who is only with them out of duty? The Lord does not want us to come unwillingly to Him, trudging up to Him at 5 AM saying "Here I am Lord because I have to be. I have to spend my 30 minutes with you." Just as we long for people to spend time with us because they want to be with us, whether it's 30 minutes or 5 minutes, the Lord wants our hearts to be engaged with His through our own desire to be with Him, not our "duty".
I remember one summer in college a guy I was dating was on a well-planned road trip but drove hours out of his way, deviating from his plans, to spend literally 20 minutes with me at the camp where I was working. He called beforehand and said "I want to come see you but it really can only be 20 minutes" because he had somewhere he had to be that night. Those 20 minutes were more precious to me than hours spent together when we lived in the same town and I knew it was no big deal for him to walk to my apartment. He drove hours out of his way for 20 minutes of time with me! I was honored! If we have 3 hours of spare time to "waste" and we give 30 minutes of this time to God because we feel like we have to, is that as precious to Him as those times when we do not even have 10 minutes to spare and yet give those meager 10 minutes to Him because we miss Him, we desire time with Him, we know we need him or we will not be complete?
As single moms, our time is often so very limited - it is all we can do to get more than 4 hours of sleep each night and we wonder every day where the time went. When I talk to other single moms, we are all saying the same thing : "I'm exhausted... I can't keep up... I'm treading water here...". Even married moms with small children feel this way - so how much moreso for the single moms!! I just want to encourage you that God sees this - He KNOWS how much time you have and don't have. He knows your heart. He knows what the amount of YOUR "mite" is and He will bless your offerings, no matter how meager they may seem from the outside. Am I saying that if you are a single mom then you don't have to spend time with the Lord because He knows you don't have time and He'll forgive this? NO! We never want to take advantage of God's grace like this (Romans 6:1-3). What I AM saying is that you know the truth and God knows the truth about how much time you really have each day and how you can best use that time. I am saying that you need to free yourself from the guilt of trying to fit into a "Quiet Time" plan that is just not realistic for your own lifestyle. Only you and God know, day by day, when you can devote special time to him and what that time will look like. Whether that means you can have a planned, organized 30 minute sit-down with God and your Bible OR whether that means your "Quiet Time" will be spent in the car, praying while driving from one place to the other and receiving the Word through Christian radio ---whichever way, God sees your heart and He alone judges your offering. Our "Quiet Time" with Him is not something to fit into the world's standards, but a time planned between you and Him - a special road trip detour mapped out just for the two of you!

Father, thank you that you do not judge by outer standards, but that you look at my heart and my motives. Lord, you know exactly how much time I have any given day and you will honor and bless the time I spend with you each day according to your standards and not those set by the world. Lord, please help me find a way to spend time with you each day - please show me when and how I can fit this in so that I can grow closer to you and just be filled each day with your Word and your power. I love you Lord...I WANT to spend time with you; I know you will help me find the time and you will honor that time. I trust that you will show me creative ways to be in your Word and to pray to you throughout my day - In Jesus's name, Amen

Taking Time to Heal

2008-09-30T21:38:00.005-04:00

So, I went to see "Fireproof" the other night and thought it was just incredible. There were many scenes from the movie that will stay with me but one that really stood out to me was the "salt and pepper" scene. In this scene, the main character (Caleb) is complaining to his friend, (Michael) about how he just doesn't think his heart is in his marriage any more. While Michael is talking to Caleb about how marriage is a life-long covenant, not to be taken lightly, he super-glues a salt and pepper shaker together to make a point. After their conversation, Caleb indicates that he gets the point and then grabs the salt and pepper shaker and says "But you didn't have to glue them together" and starts to pull them apart. Michael then says, firmly, "Don't do it Caleb. If you pull them apart now, you'll break either one or both of them."
(click here to watch this scene)
In the Divorce Care Devotions book, Steve Grissom writes "When a couple marries, they are no longer two individuals. They become what the Bible calls 'one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24)"
"...To better understand the extreme pain of separation and divorce, think about what happens when a marriage bond comes apart. The married couple does not revert to being two individuals again. Instead, they become two parts of the same one-flesh marriage, torn away, with huge, gaping emotional wounds....Jesus describes this one-flesh relationship: 'So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate' (Mark 10:8-9)."
I am writing this not to depress you further if you are divorced, but to encourage you to give yourself GRACE to feel the hurt and then to take the time, however long it may be, to heal. Sometimes well-meaning family or friends will tell us that it is time to "move on", "get over it", "just let it go" and etc., and yes, there is a time to stop dwelling in the past and to move forward but there is also a time to be realistic about the huge open wounds you have and giving yourself time for these wounds to heal. When your husband has broken the marriage covenant he made before God, through abandonment or adultery, then he has ripped apart what God had joined together. You WILL feel ripped in two, because you HAVE been ripped in two; it is just a supernatural, spiritual law concerning marriage and it HURTS, an unbelievable, piercing pain.
When we are torn in two like this, whether by our own actions or by the actions of our spouse, then there is only one place where we can turn for complete healing. In Luke 4:18, Jesus says "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because...He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed."
Grissom writes: "Divorce is open-heart surgery, emotionally. Some people are not willing to give it enough time, and their expectations for recovery are too fast. When you get up and go faster than you are supposed to and you push your healing cycle too quickly, you have to do it over again and you get a relapse. What would normally take five years is going to take six or seven because you've done more damage to yourself in the process....Relax. Breathe deeply. You have just had open-heart surgery and the prognosis is good. You will recover, but be prepared for therapeutic exercises, time for rest, getting back into work slowly, and for other people to think you look healthy on the outside when you still have a lot of healing left to do on the inside. Psalm 147:3, 5 says: ' He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds...Great is our Lord and might in power; his understanding has no limit.'"
Stop pushing yourself. Stop guilting yourself. Stop putting on a yoke that is not yours to bear. Just stop in your tracks right now....and just BE where God has you right now. Be still. Be loved. Be quiet. Rest in Him. Rest in His Grace. Rest in His love.....Rest and Heal. The Lord WILL restore your health to you - spiritually and mentally but, just as with physical illness, you have to make provisions to take care of yourself - feed yourself the Word instead of chicken soup and get away from all the "noise" that is only adding to the "migraine" in your heart - surround yourself with peace and quiet. Turn off your phone. Don't answer those calls. Don't read those E-mails. Shut out the "noise." Then, instead of crawling into your bed to sleep for hours on end, crawl to your Father and rest in His arms knowing that He holds you there, protecting you, and He says that no one can take you from out of His hand (Deut 32:39).
I have read a lot of books on divorce by now and, interestingly, these books have all agreed that for true over-all healing, you have to allow yourself AT LEAST 18 months (most say 24 months) from the date of the finalization of your divorce. For some people this number may be frustrating as they want their healing right away. For me, however, this number was always comforting as it freed me from so much guilt and feelings of failure that I wasn't yet "over it". Everyone's timeline will be unique of course and there is no set formula for healing. The important thing is that you give yourself the time to heal but also that during that time, you are always taking steps forward and not just dwelling in the pain or digging yourself into a deeper pit. Just as the open-heart patient must eventually begin physical rehabilitation and exercise, you also need to slowly and patiently take steps toward your healing and "rehabilitation". If not, you could be five, ten, or twenty years away from your divorce and still be just as crippled and in pain as when the divorce first began. But this is not where any of us want to be. We want to be whole again, peaceful, joyful, restored and this, through Christ, is where you WILL be if you keep following Him, one foot in front of the other, following His lead. You WILL come out of this pain if you follow Him because this is where HE wants you to be, according to His word - His will for you in Christ is to be freed, reborn, renewed, and victorious - Thank You Lord!! Amen!

Lord, I trust you with my healing. I will receive your grace and your compassion and I will give myself time to be healed. Lord, I ask you to walk with me through this process and guide my steps. Show me the steps to take and the paths to pursue in my healing. I trust you Lord that weeping may endure for a night but that JOY WILL COME IN THE MORNING. I believe that you reward those who earnestly seek You and I am seeking Your way now and not my own way, Your true healing and not my own attempts to heal- In Your Name, Amen.

Questioning God - The WHY's??

2008-09-24T21:19:00.004-04:00

Okay, so I am reading The Shack right now, by William P. Young. Apparently there is some controversy out there right now about this book and people being offended by the "theology" in it. I don't know about all that and don't really want to get into it. All I know is that I was reading a part in the book today that just brought tears to my eyes and I had to share it. It was beautiful and so much on the path where God has been leading me recently.
In the book, the main person in the story (Mack) has had a horrible life-altering experience and begins to question God's compassion, love, and justice. Mack then has a chance to "meet" with the Triune God and, during this, has the following conversation with God:
Mack: "What is the value in [this horrible thing that happened]? ...You may not cause those things but you certainly don't stop them."
God: "There are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story. I am not evil. You are the ones who embrace fear and pain and power and rights so readily in your relationships. But your choices are also not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome.....If you could only see how all of this ends and what we (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) will achieve without the violation of one human will - then you would understand. One day you will (understand).....The real underlying flaw in your life, Mack, is that you don't think I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives - is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't....Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me. "
Mack: "One last comment....I just can't imagine any final outcome that would justify all this [all of the bad things that have happened in his life]".
God: "We are not justifying it. We are redeeming it."

Wow. I'm sorry if that doesn't just hit you like it did me, but I thought it was so awesome. For so long, I spent time asking God "Why???WHY????" and wanting an answer. Finally, about 7 months ago, after almost 3 years of beating my head against the wall, I found that it was time to let go of needing to know the "why", and finally, in letting go, I have a PEACE like never before - an overwhelming, heart flooding peace. We have to come to a point where we realize that we can NEVER truly understand the "whys" until that day we are face to face with God in heaven and able to see His overall plan, which will be mind-boggling and, I believe, will silence all tongues from ever asking "why" again!!!!
PJ said to me one time when I was trying to figure out the "why's" - "You can't keep asking why - in doing this, you are trying to understand an infinite God with a finite mind" and she was SO RIGHT. I've written about this before, but when I was in that stage where I was praying and praying and asking God "Why??", not just about the divorce but about many life-changing events that happened all at once (not just to me but to friends, family, acquaintances, etc.), God just kept answering me over and over "Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am GOD." It didn't happen over-night by ANY means (more like years!) and I certainly have NOT "arrived", but by saying this to me over and over and over and by calming my spirit in His loving way, God has finally given me a peace that I don't NEED to know the "why" anymore - ALL that I need to know is that He loves me, He is in control, and HE WILL redeem all the ugliness that has happened, just as He has redeemed man's mistakes over and over, since the beginning of creation. He IS the Restorer, Repairer, Redeemer - THE Savior. He can do all things; He can fix all things. No matter what happens, no matter why, He will use it to His glory and He will make it beautiful - He WILL make "Beauty from the Ashes" (Isaiah 61:3). THIS is what I will choose to dwell on.
Believing in His ability to make all things good is, in my mind, part of that child-like faith that we are asked to have (Matt 18:2-4). We don't need a deep theological explanation for whatever happens - we just need to know God is God and He has a plan. Nothing can threaten His plan. No human, no demon - no one can alter the plans of God.
A few days ago, my oldest broke one of his favorite toys. Of course, he cried for about 5 minutes over the toy. Then, he came to me with the toy in his hand and gave it to me and said with complete confidence - "Here Mama, please fix this" and then walked away. We have had lots of broken toys and lots of super glue and tape usage at our house - I can say that I really have been able to fix 95% of the toys broken here, so this was not an unusual request. What was neat to me about this is that my child did not say "Can you fix this?" He just stopped crying, handed it to me, said "Fix this", and left it in my hands and walked away, confident in me to take care of it, which of course I did. My child trusts me. He knows he is important to me. He knows I love him. He knows I will take care of him and his toy, as I always have in the past.
If I, in all my selfishness and "busyness", have this overwhelming love for my child and this feeling like my heart is going to burst when he shows trust in me like this over a silly toy, how much more does our Perfect Father in heaven feel this way about us and those things that break our hearts? How many times has He fixed what is broken in our lives, in the lives around us, and yet how many times do we not trust Him enough to take ALL of our broken things to Him? He isn't only able to fix the 95%, He can fix it ALL and He WILL work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him!!(Rom 8:28)
I want to challenge you to stop worrying about the "Why?" I can promise you that if you continue to dwell on the why, why, why - it will start to drive you crazy - I know because I have BEEN THERE!
Instead, dwell on those things that bring peace to your questioning mind - Dwell on God's Love, His Trustworthiness, His Sovereignty, His Goodness, His Justice, His Divinity, His Redemption, His Power, His Might, His Victory - these are the things which are true, noble, and right (Phil 4:8). These are the things that will bring you peace and rest.
Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...."

Father, today, tonight - I want to give up having to know "Why" this is happening - I want to give it all back to you, lay it at your feet, lay it on your altar and let go of it. Lord, I will trust in you. I will trust that there is a plan to redeem all of this chaos, hurt, confusion, all of this mess. There is a plan to turn it all into something beautiful, to bring glory to your name. I will believe this Lord and I will walk in it, with my head high, trusting in You. I receive your amazing love for me, Lord. I am your precious child and you WILL take care of me. I believe that you have good things for me and not evil, that there is hope and a future for me in Jesus's name. I trust you Lord and I will rest in You. Amen.

Who Do You Think You Are?

2008-09-22T21:30:00.008-04:00

(Read Ephesians Chapter 1) Do you really know and GRASP the fact that God has loved you since before the creation of the world and that He chose YOU before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight? Do you grab on to the Truth that if you believe, through the blood of His Son, you are holy and blameless in His sight, no matter how you "feel"?
Do you live in light of the fact that in His great LOVE for YOU, He predestined YOU to be adopted as His child through Jesus Christ – not because He “had to” – He did not do this reluctantly. No – He did this “in accordance with His PLEASURE and WILL" (see Eph 1). He has freely given you this love and total grace, total newness, total once and for all forgiveness and blamelessness through His Son. Through His Son, you have total redemption - you are covered by the blood of the Lamb – COVERED.
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you might know the HOPE to which He has called you.” This love, this grace, this hope – it has nothing to do with you and what you are doing “right” or “wrong” – it has everything to do with His Son, who has died once and for all for you, thus raising you up to a new position in God’s eyes. The old has gone, the new has come! As Jesus said on the cross, "It is FINISHED".
1 John 4:16-18 says “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us (whether we “feel” it or not, we KNOW it because God has promised it through His Son). God is love…There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” If there is chaos and uncertainty in your life, DO NOT jump to the false presumption that God is “punishing” you! This fear of punishment has nothing to do with God’s love! If you fear Him more than you know his great love for you, then ask Him to reveal His LOVE for you – that He sees you as wonderful, beautiful, His perfect child!
Hebrews 11:6 says of our relationship with the Father: "...anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Do YOU believe that Your Father has rewards for you, GOOD things for you and not bad? Take this to Him in prayer if you have not grasped this yet - He WANTS you to know this Love He has for you!!!
Romans 8:14 says of you who are in Christ “… those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship, adopted by God! And by Him we cry ‘Abba, Father, Daddy!’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that WE ARE God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ(!!!)”
Romans 8:31 “...If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus – who died – more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the LOVE of Christ??...we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Do you KNOW and acknowledge that nothing can separate you from God’s love for you? – Do you truly know this, grasp this? Do you live in the power of this? Do you know and grasp that God does not withhold his love from you and that He loves you no matter what, once and for all?? Knowing His love gives freedom, knowing His love IS FREEDOM! (2 Cor 3:17, Gal 4:31, Gal 5:1, Jn 8:36) If you do not have this freedom, offer this up as a prayer to Him – ask Him to help you know it, understand it, GRASP it - He so wants you to take hold of this freedom - it is exactly what He sent His ONLY SON for - Do not let this be lost to you!!!!
Romans 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we HAVE PEACE with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand…hope does not disappoint us because God has POURED out His LOVE into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.”
Ephesians 3:16 “...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in LOVE, may have power…to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the LOVE of Christ, and to KNOW THIS LOVE that surpasses knowledge – that you may be FILLED to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Don't let it be lost on you that the verse above says that the writer prays that you may "grasp" God's love for you – the writer is saying it is not enough that you just “know” yeah, God loves me, but that you would GRASP it in your spirit and not let go! To grasp = to seize with urgency – to grab hold of God’s love for you and know that without God’s love you are nothing and BECAUSE of God’s love you have EVERYTHING! (see Ephesians 1:3) To GRASP this love means that you understand that God's love is not like man's love. It does not ebb and flow - it does not shift and change. It is constant. There is nothing you can do to add to or take away from His love for you - you, in your human frailty, are not more powerful than the blood that has already been shed for you! Nothing you can do can take away from the power of the blood!!
When we feel guilt and feel like we “don’t measure up” – this is NOT what Christ died His horrible death for – The blood of Jesus has atoned for ALL of this – It has atoned for our guilty consciences as well –(see Hebrews 9:14 and 10:22). We are not to be walking in guilt, or shame or “failure” – this is NOT from the Lord and NOT in accordance with the blood of Jesus, which has cleansed it ALL, ONCE FOR ALL!
Hebrews 9:24 “For Christ did not enter a man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one; he entered heaven itself, now to appear FOR US in God’s presence. Nor did He enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. Then Christ would have to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But now He has appeared ONCE FOR ALL at the end of the ages to do AWAY with sin by the sacrifice of Himself.”
Heb 10:12 – “This priest (Jesus) offered FOR ALL TIME ONE SACRIFICE…and by this one sacrifice HE HAS MADE YOU PERFECT FOREVER”
Galatians 2:20-21 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, BUT CHRIST LIVES IN ME. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who LOVED me and GAVE himself FOR me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law (through what I “do” or “don’t do”), Christ died for nothing!"
Lord, I KNOW that you did not send your Son to die "for nothing" - There is a freedom, a deep, abiding Love that I have not fully grasped yet. Lord, I don't want to live a life of not grasping all that is there for me, held in your open, outstretched arms for me to grab hold of. Lord, I know that you long for me to grasp your love for me - please teach me, reveal to me your amazing love for me, let me have ears that hear and eyes that see that I can grasp how deep and how high and how wide is your love for me. Let me not be satisfied with a mediocre, lukewarm relationship with you but fill me with a longing to know you more and a passion to know your incredible love for me. I love you Lord. I am your child, your precious, beloved daughter, and you are my Father. I will trust in You, I will earnestly seek You, and I will rest in You. Amen.

Bearing Fruit in the Desert

2008-09-19T12:02:00.005-04:00

The Lord gave me some Scripture last night that I wanted to share not only because I need it myself, but also because I know, from talking with other single moms, that there is something we commonly struggle with. We are called by God to help each other get through difficult times and to be there, to extend our hand, to those who are suffering. When you are a single mom and it is all you can do to make it through each day, this calling is especially diffult as we constantly battle that feeling of "I can't help anybody else because I need help!"
In the past, I argued with God about this quite a bit. When I first started meeting other women who needed encouragement, who needed to know how to make it through their divorce to "the other side", I knew that God was calling me to minister, but I wanted to argue with Him that there was no way I could do this. One time I was praying about it and just told God that I was sorry but He just couldn't use me right now because I was all used up and had nothing to give to anybody. I also told Him that I couldn't help anybody until He answered all my questions and made things "right". I was like "How can I tell others that you are faithful, God, when FP is still getting away with threatening me and making my life miserable? How can I tell people you are good when I don't FEEL like you are good and I'm not sure you'll answer my prayers and take care of me? How can I tell others that things will "all work for good" when I don't "see" that goodness yet in my own life???"
It was soon after this that God took me straight to Jeremiah 17:7 where His Word says "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." and also to Isaiah 58:10 "... if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."
To me, it was like God was saying "YOU think you are dried up and useless and in the middle of a "sun-scorched land" and YOU have not yet learned to trust Me fully and see what I am doing in your life right now, but I will and CAN still use you in this desert because, like 2 Cor 12:9 says "The Lord said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
God also reminded me that Hebrews 11:1 tells me that I CANNOT go by what I "see", as "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." And, in 2 Cor 5:7 I am told that "We live by faith, not by sight".
I cannot operate and lead my life based on what I SEE, but only based on the promises of God in His Word, promises that He will keep with me, His child of the new covenant.
In order to help others, we don't have to have everything in line or figured out. In fact, I think that when we are just REAL with people and just tell them our struggles, our weaknesses, and how God is bringing us through them that very moment, even when we are still having trouble trusting Him and seeing His plan, that this is more helpful to anyone than all the "good advice" in the world. If you remember that parable about the 2 houses in the storm (Matthew 7)- one on the rock that stands through the storm and the other on the sand that falls apart in the storm - all you have to do is stand in the storm - on top of that rock - and when other people who are struggling can just see that you are still standing, they just want to know HOW you are still standing because all they want to do is lie down and quit, like I want to sometimes, like you want to sometimes. But you just tell them how you keep going (your prayers you pray, the books that have helped you, advice that friends have given you that helped, any tips that helped you out) and it gives them a lifeline to grab onto. You don't have to "have it all together" or see the big "plan" to help someone - Sometimes what helped me the most at the beginning was just hearing that other women had dealt with the same "horrible" thoughts that I thought only I had was having and the same circumstances I thought only I was facing, and yet they were still standing, able to finally have joy again after allowing themselves time to heal.
There were women who told me about contemplating suicide, thought about killing their ex-spouse, wanted to just give up, felt mad at God, thought everybody in town was talking about them when they walked out of a room, didn't want to leave their house for days, couldn't sleep in their own bed alone for months because being in the bed was too painful, struggled with their faith and questioned God, thought they were being "punished" by God for something, had an ex telling them everything was their fault and that they weren't really a Christian if they didn't just 'forgive and forget', etc., etc. - all those things that Satan wantsGod's children to think guiltily that they are alone in and that no one else feels. When you hear other women being REAL about these things and just willing to put themselves out there, just knowing you are not alone helps more than anything. And knowing that there is someone else besides you who doesn't "have it all together" helps - The only thing you have to do to help others who are hurting is to point them to God - just encouraging them to hang in there, to keep praying, keep reading, to trust Him - He is the only one who can help those who are hurting and the only one who will pull them through this. Sometimes we ALL need to be reminded of this and, when we become "disoriented" with all the mess flying around our heads day to day, we need our sisters in Christ to just keep pointing us in that direction, toward Him. If the only thing you do is to point that other person who is hurting toward the Lord, then you can not go wrong! As Luke 8:16 says, "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light." Start to recognize those lights in the darkness that God gives to you - the encouraging E-mail from a friend, the verse that lifted your heart today, the insight you finally understood - and then share these "lights" with others who need them.
In 2 Corinthians 4 - I love this chapter because I think it really shows us how to minister to others through just pointing them to Christ and His light in the dark. I also love that it says straight out that we are "jars of clay" - breakable, not perfect, not immortal, that we ARE weak - and yet this is actually WHY God chooses us!! - He uses us most in our weakness so that we can't take any of the glory, but all the glory goes to Him. I heard a speaker one time who did this great visual with a broken jar where she turned all the lights off and puts a candle in this closed up jar and then in a cracked jar and she says - which one gives off more light? Of course it's the cracked one because you can see the light through the cracks. She uses this to illustrate how all those weaknesses, all of those "imperfections" that we obsess about and think can never be used by God, are exactly what He is MOST able to use, because "His power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9).
2 Cor 4:
"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed , but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outw eighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Spiritual Prozac

2008-09-16T20:45:00.010-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to Scriptures referenced)

A few months ago I was talking with a good friend who was in the middle of aftermath from a horrible divorce. She had just also just recently returned from a vacation where she had flown in from Europe. She described looking out the airplane window at the land below and how powerful she felt for those hours she spent up above everything, looking down at microscopic houses, massive lakes that looked like little rain puddles, mighty rivers that looked like mere cracks in the earth, and tiny patches of earth that represented acres and acres of land. She described the plane then descending and how, as the objects outside of her window grew larger and larger, she felt the weight and "reality" of her situation returning. She wished that she could just stay on the plane forever, floating above the world and not having to return to "her life here".

In Isaiah 40:30-31, God tells us that "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

If we could grab hold of this Spiritual promise and "soar on wings like eagles", then perhaps we could rise, even if just for a little moment, above our own little world and however briefly see what it all might look like from God's eyes as He looks down on us from above, keeping watch over everything (Psalm 33:13-14).
So, how can we "soar on wings like eagles", rising so high up above our circumstances so that our problems will seem so small, so unworthy of our concern, fear and anxiety? The verse tells us that we can accomplish this by being "those who hope in the Lord."
So, how do we hope in the Lord, when hope is the furthest word away from our current vocabulary? For starters, Psalm 130:5 says "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope." (For one thing, you need to BE IN the Word, reading what He says so that you know the promises you have to hope for!)
Psalm 33:18 says "...The eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love." Psalm 146:5-6 says "Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them—the LORD, who remains faithful forever." We hope in the Lord because we know the promises that are ours in His Word, we know that His love for us never fails and never changes, and we know that He remains faithful forever. He is the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and He is MY God and He is YOUR God. He is the creator of the heavens and the earth, of every living creature and everything I see, He IS GOD, the Alpha and the Omega. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Whether we "feel" hope or not, His hope is there, never changing. And if we will speak His Word, speak His promises, and receive them as our own through Christ whether we "feel" them or not, then eventually we will grab hold of hope because no matter what we "feel", we will know in our hearts and confess with our mouths that His Word is Truth and will accomplish everything He sent it forth to accomplish (Isaiah 55:11).

Colossians 3:1-3 tells us "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

When our children are young and they come to us crying because another child has called them a name or said something untrue to them, do we fall apart sobbing along with our child and agree with them that there is no hope and that they are doomed forever because of the unfortunate choices of the other child? No, we comfort them, we pray with them, and we assure them that life is bigger than being called "doodoo head" on the playground. We are older, wiser, and experienced enough to look down on our child's circumstances and see how small they really are. We have a "birds-eye view" of their tiny little realm of importance. How much moreso does the Lord long to comfort us and show us HIS view of our circumstances, to reassure us that He is in control, that life appears to us much bigger than it truly is in His master plan, and that ALL things will work together for good? (Romans 8:28) If we can take our eyes off of what we see before us for only a moment and set our hearts and minds above, as His Word tells us to, we will begin to understand our hope in Him and His faithfulness.

From Psalm 121: "I lift UP my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth"

Lord, take my thoughts captive to you in Jesus's name and help me to see my circumstances as you see them. Help me Lord to be raised up on eagle's wings, high above all of this mess and confusion so that I can look down and know in my heart that you are bigger and stronger than all of this mess. Lord, I admit that I don't feel so confident right now and my problems seem so huge and overwhelming and, according to this world, they ARE "huge" and "overwhelming". Help me, Lord to remember, though, that YOU are not of this world and because of your Son, I am not of this world either. Teach me Lord about hope and faith and victory. I will no longer look at what is in front of me but instead I will lift up my eyes to look to you. I will set my heart above and I will set my mind above on YOU and not on this world. Help me accomplish this Lord for I know that through Christ in me ALL things are possible. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Morning by Morning

2008-09-15T13:11:00.006-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to Scriptures referenced)

I grew up in a Christian home with two dedicated Christian parents and four wonderful, Christian grandparents. One of the many things I’m thankful for in my upbringing is the fact that I grew up hearing so many awesome hymns that continue to play in my head each day.
In Ephesians 5:19-20, Paul writes: "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Sometimes, when I cannot think of any prayers to pray, Scriptures to meditate on, etc., God will mercifully play one of these beautiful hymns from my childhood in my head and I can remember His faithfulness and His Truth and I can sing these songs to Him and to myself.
One of the hymns that God has given to me over and over and over again since the beginning of my divorce is "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." The chorus to this beautiful hymn says of the Lord:
"Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!... Morning by morning new mercies I see;...All I have needed Thy hand hath provided...Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord unto me."

Lamentations 3:19-26 (amplified) says:
"[O Lord] remember [earnestly] my affliction and my misery...
But this I recall and therefore have I hope and expectation:
It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him."

Whenever we feel crushed, anxious, depressed, drained...we can look to Him and remember His mercies which are new every day. You can "think about such things...and the God of peace will be with you" (Phil 4:7-9).

Pray that God will help you think of everything He has done in your life that shows you His love for you and His mercy for you and for your situation. Although I could find so many things to be bitter and angry about if I want to go in that direction, I can also find so many more things to be thankful and in awe of if I choose to go in this other, life-giving direction. Start a list for yourself and add to it frequently. On one of your "hard days", you can go back through your list, saying out loud all that you are thankful for.
No matter how horrible your circumstances seem, or are, there is SOMETHING to be thankful for. When you start naming these things and develop a thankful spirit in yourself, you will begin to notice more and more mercies everywhere and you will start to see that YOU ARE BLESSED, and not crushed (2 Corinthians 4). Take a moment, 1-2 seconds, each time you notice one of these mercies to thank your Father who gave them to you.
It can be as simple as when you are driving and the person in front of you slams on their brakes and you miss rear-ending them by 2 inches, just saying "Thank you God that I did not have a wreck!" or when you are at the store, buying your groceries and waiting to pay, saying in your head "Thank you God for providing the money for these groceries." When you get up in the morning and get out of bed, you can say "Thank you God for giving me another day to accomplish all that you have for me." You can find mercies everywhere!
If you are reading this blog, then you must have a computer, whether your own or at a friend's house or at the library, to read it on. There is a "mercy" right there.
If the Scriptures on this blog speak to you and feed you, then this is a "mercy" as those people who don't have the Spirit cannot understand His Words or His love like you can.
If you have a roof over your head, healthy children, loving family, food to eat tonight, the ability to earn income, a church home, a car to drive, clean clothes to wear each day, friends to encourage you - if you have ANY of these things, these are ALL "mercies"!
If you were in a home of darkness, violence, abuse, addiction, oppression, etc., and now you have been delivered to re-establish your own Spirit-filled home - this, however hard it is right now - IS a "mercy".
There are moments from your childhood, your educational background, your Spiritual background, whether good or bad, "teachable" moments that God has used and will use in you to prepare you for what you will face as a single mother - these are all signs of His "mercies" as well. You can thank Him that you know Him and His love for you, and that, as the Lord of resurrection, He can turn all things into good and bring life from death, for His glory.
1 Thess 5:16-18 (amplified) says:
Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always); Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]; Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]."
One way that we can be "unceasing in prayer" is by doing what was mentioned above- continually giving Him thanks for ALL of His mercies He gives to you as His gifts to you each day: "Thank you God for my home; Thank you God for the woman who just helped me at the store; Thank you God for the lunch you provided today; Thank you God for that parking space at the front door of Wal-Mart; Thank you God for your healing of my children's colds, flu, etc.; Thank you God for the Scripture I just heard on the radio; Thank you God for my friend who just prayed for me..."
These may seem overly simplistic, but the more you begin to pray over the simple things, God will begin to show you the bigger and bigger picture and you will be in absolute awe of everything that you have to be thankful for.
If these prayers seem overly simplistic, think on these verses:
“This is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). David doesn't tell us to rejoice in this day because it is "the best day ever" or because "I got everything I ever wanted today" or because "all my prayers were answered today." No, he says rejoice in this day simply because it is the day that the Lord has made.
Psalm 107:8 , says: "...Give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men." This one phrase is repeated four times in this psalm. He doesn't say to give thanks if the Lord does what you want Him to do, but simply because His unfailing love is a Spiritual fact, an unchanging Truth. Also, your thankfulness is not based on His wonderful deeds for you alone, but His deeds for all of mankind (the beautiful world He has given us, the knowledge He has given man, the mercy He shows each of us by giving life each day, etc.)
1 Chronicles 16:34 (amplified): "O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever!"
Psalm 100:3-5 :
"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations."

Phil 4:4-7 (amplified) :
Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice!....
Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Lord, forgive me that I have focused on a human-centered view of my circumstances and not on You and Your love and mercy, which is renewed each day. Lord, I trust in You that You LOVE me and I am precious to You. I trust You that you long to give me good gifts (Matt 7:11). Lord, open my eyes to see the many gifts you have given me, signs of your faithfulness and your love. Lord, please awaken me each morning reminding me of your faithfulness and love. Thank you Lord for all of your gifts and mercies. Please transform my heart into a heart of thankfulness and praise, seeing your love everywhere I go and giving thanks for it. I love you Lord. Amen.

Finding Time For Truth

2008-09-09T21:52:00.005-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to the Scripture or sites referenced)

I've said before and I will say it again, because I have to discover it the hard way every time - almost every MONTH - the ONLY way to "survive" daily life - whatever you are facing- is to STAY IN THE WORD. All day long we hear lies about who we "are" and are not and what we can and cannot do. The only way to know the lies from the Truth is to stay in the Word and let it be in our minds at all times. This is the only way to take those false thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). Otherwise, we are overcome by the world and we become "slaves to fear."
In Romans 8:14-16, we are told that "...those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."
Satan tells you that you are not good enough, not strong enough, not victorious, not beloved. But this is NOT what God says and you NEED to know EXACTLY what He says about you in his new covenant with you through Christ so that you can stand firm!
The biggest problem we face in learning the Truth from the Word is, at least for me, finding TIME for the word. I can barely find time to wash my own face before I crash in my bed at night much less stay in the Word! Even before I was a single mom, I could hardly find time to spend in God's Word. Now, of course, finding that time is even more difficult than ever. But Romans 10:17 tells us "...faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." We need to HEAR the message, over and over and over, through His Word so that our faith might be increased daily. Then, when those "flaming arrows" from the enemy come at us, we can confidently and boldly hold up our "shield of faith" (Eph 6:16) - our faith which has come by "hearing the message through the word of Christ".
So how do we find the time? I don't have a perfect answer and still struggle with this daily but I can only share some "strategies", if you want to call them that, for what has worked for me in the past:
First of all, every time you get into your car you can either spend that time praying out loud with your children or listening to Christian music together. You don't have time or excess energy to fill your head with any of the other junk on the radio, so you have to be discerning about what you listen to and what you "allow in". Some good CDs that we listen to are the "Word of God Speak" CDs - these are all songs that are straight Scripture, put to music. There are also tons of good Scripture CDS specifically for children but adult-friendly too!
When by yourself in the car, just make a "rule" with yourself to keep your radio set on a Christian station and either listen to Christian music or to Christian speakers - you can find Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer, Alistair Begg, Kay Arthur, Joel Osteen, James Dobson, and many other anointed speakers to listen to on Christian radio. Whenever I listen to these stations, even if only for 10 minutes of the sermon, the Lord always uses what I hear from these speakers to bless my day.
One of the BEST things I ever did was invest in a set of CDs called "The Word Becomes Flesh" by "Mercy Ministries" - These are a collection CDs of women reading the New Testament out loud and it is set with music and commentary. I like to play these on my stereo when I am at home and cleaning the house, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc. I also, if I am in a rough patch, will play it at night next to my bed on a portable CD player while I am just lying in bed with all the lights out - sometimes you feel like you don't have the energy to even pick up your Bible and try to read it with your tired eyes but can you honestly say you don't have the energy to LIE in your BED and LISTEN to the Bible without lifting a finger?? Give it a try!
There are times, too, when all I want to do after having a full day at work and finally getting the kids to bed, is just to sit on the sofa and watch TV. Here again you have a choice of what to fill your mind with. Now I know that TBN and the "Inspiration" network get a bad rap but there are actually some REALLY good speakers who come on now- I've gotten in the habit of watching Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" Program which comes on at night and also Michael Youssef''s "Leading the Way" program. These are both awesome. You can either spend that time watching whatever mindless, truth-less program you shut your brain off to that will leave you feeling just as empty as you felt before you turned the TV on OR you can watch a program that will FILL you back up - give you Truth, life and light.
You can order sermons on tape from your favorite speakers to play in your home and in your car. You can download Christian music and "podcasts" to your ipod to listen to on the go or while on a walk - You can watch your favorite speakers on "youtube" or on their websites instead of looking at all the other "junk food" on the internet - there really is no excuse - you CAN find time for the Word and, really, you HAVE TO if you want to keep your head above the water. I encourage you, if you think you "don't have time" for the Word, to really take this before God, ask Him to show you when and where you DO have time and what are some ways you can "think outside of the box" to get the Word in your day.

Lord, I am spent and drained and the ONLY way I can be renewed, refilled, and restored is by the living water of your Word. I want to be like the "well-watered garden...like a spring whose waters never fail" "strengthened...in a sun-scorched land" (Isaiah 58:11) - and the only way to do this is by staying in Your Word - Lord, your Word is Spirit and it is Life (John 6:63). Lord, I pray that you would give me an insatiable hunger for your Word. Lord, please show me where, during my day, I can spend time listening to Your Word and please give me new, creative ideas for how to do this. Lord, please guide me to CDs, DVDs, Christian radio, wherever I can find more of You and your Truth. Remind me Lord to turn on my radio to life-giving stations, to turn the TV station to something fulfilling instead of junk. I ask you to pursue me Lord and call to me, reminding me to run back to you and to Your Word. May Your Word be the only lamp to lead me and guide me always (Ps 119:105). In Jesus' name, Amen!

I Think I'm Going Crazy....

2008-09-08T22:53:00.004-04:00

(Note: Hi-lited passages provide links to the Scripture or sites referenced)

If you have been in a relationship with an addict or an abusive person and think that you are "going crazy" or "losing your mind" then please know that you are NOT alone!! I cannot count how many other women going through horrible divorces have confided to me "I really think I'm going crazy..." And when this happens, I know exactly what they mean. When we say this, we don't just mean it in a flip "Well, I lost my car keys; I must be losing my mind-haha!" sort of way. No, we really, really mean that we think we are going crazy. In Codependent No More, Beattie addresses this:"As codependents, many of us don't trust our minds. we truly understand the horror of indecision. The smallest choices...paralyze us. The larger significant decisions we face...can overwhelm us. Many of us simply give up and refuse to think about these things. Some of us allow other people or circumstances to make these choices for us...For a variety of reasons, we may have lost faith in our ability to think and reason things out."
In When Your Lover Is A Liar, Forward explains why so many people who have been entangled in destructive relationships with liars/abusers/manipulators feel this way:
"The lies leave us paralyzed. We find ourselves unable to make even the simplest decisions...because trust has disappeared, and we don't know [what is true any more; what is fact versus fiction]. We don't know what is real anymore, and we suffer terribly. A relationship with a liar can destroy our self-respect and our ability to trust our own perceptions and judgments...You have been living in parallel realities. There is the known world of the man [you trusted and thought you knew] and there's the world you've only glimpsed of a man who is working to keep his real life and intentions hidden [This is the "Jekyll and Hyde" parallel realities that so many of us have experienced]...We feel stupid, used, tricked, ashamed."

Both of these books go on to explain, in detail, why those of us who have been in these relationships tend to feel "crazy". If you are experiencing this, then I recommend you read one or both of these books. Also, of course, you MUST quit listening to those people who have manipulated you into feeling this way and instead look ONLY to what Your Father says about you and your mind. He is the One who created you - NO ONE knows your mind like He does!!

So here's the good news - If you feel like you are going crazy, you're not alone! Why is that good news? Because you need to know that you are NOT going crazy and neither are all the other women in your shoes who feel the same way- The truth of the matter is that you have been living in an unreal environment, a world created by the addict/abuser in your life which he created to keep you entangled in his web of control and deception. It's like stepping out of a drug-induced state and shaking off the bad side-effects. You are still shaking your head back and forth, trying to "wake up" after what you've been through. The other good news is that the more you distance yourself from this person and their lies and false, parallel reality, and the more you immerse yourself back into healthy relationships and into your relationship with God, you will begin to think clearly again and trust your own mind again.

2 Timothy 1:7 (amplified) says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."

Phil 4:8-9 says: "...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things...And the God of peace will be with you."

These are both excellent verses to speak over your own mind, over yourself, when you feel the fear, anxiety, the "craziness" overcoming you - You have the Spirit of a "well-balanced mind", you have access to God's peace through meditating on what is "true, noble and right..." and, above all, your thoughts are NOT to be controlled by darkness for "we have the mind of Christ" (1 Cor 2:16). We also have been "raised with Christ to a new life" where we can "set our minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth" (Coloss 3:1-2).

Lord, I thank you that I no longer have to feel like I am "going crazy" but that you have delivered me out of that environment of darkness and into a new, better environment where I can begin to heal and be restored by you. Thank you Lord that the lies and manipulation and abuse are no longer a part of my home but now I live in a home of peace and light and love where I choose what is allowed to come in my front door and what is not allowed. Lord, I do not, I will not allow the accusations, the lies, the darkness in my home any more in Jesus' name! I take captive every thought that is not of you and I cast it down and make it obedient to Truth in Jesus' name (2 Cor 10:5). I have NOT been given a fearful, anxious mind from you Lord, but I have a sound, balanced mind in Christ Jesus. I choose this day to "take off the old self and [my former] practices" and to put on my "new self, which is being renewed [daily] in knowledge in the image of its Creator" (Coloss 3:9-10). I choose this day to take off the fear and anxiety and to instead come to you in prayer and with thanksgiving so that Your peace that passes all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7). Amen!

Prayers For My Children

2008-09-04T20:26:00.005-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to Scriptures referenced)

One of the hardest challenges for a mom facing divorce is having to watch her children go through the process with her. I remember thinking "I am a big girl and I can handle this, but Lord, they are so small; please protect my children!"
You can be confident knowing that your children, all children, have a special place in the Father's heart. We are all familiar with the often quoted passage where the disciples tried to shoo children away from Jesus and He rebuked them, saying "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these" (Mark 10:14).
Jesus also said that for anyone who leads a child into sin, "it would be better for him to have a large millstone tied around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matt 18:5-6).
These words can be even more significant to us when we think about the time period in which they were spoken - during a time where children had very little value in people's eyes. They could not help out much in the fields or at home, they could not help earn bread like an adult or do heavy labor very well; they were not considered "precious" to most, but more of a hindrance and a nuisance.
But they were, and still are, precious to Our Father. Isaiah 40:11 says that Our Father "tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to His heart; he gently leads those that have young." Who are "those that have young"? That is you, Mama! God will "gently lead you" because your child is His lamb, who He carries "close to His heart"! We, like Abraham with Isaac, can confidently place our children in God's arms, in His care, on His altar, knowing that no matter how bleak things look, God will honor our trust in Him and He will redeem any injustice done to our children. After God spared Isaac, it says that the Israelites said, and still say "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided" (Gen 22:12-14). On this treacherous mountain you are climbing, the Lord will provide wisdom for you, as He did for Abraham, and protection for your children, as He did for Isaac.

Isaiah 54:13 says "All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace." I pray this verse often over my children, especially for their peace, and I remind them often that they have a human father here on earth but that they also have their amazing Heavenly Father, God, and that HE "will always go before them and be with them and HE will never leave them or forsake them" (Deut 31:8).

In Isaiah 43:4-6, God declares His love for us and tells us that He will "bring our children from the east" or, as the amplified version says "bring them...from where they are dispersed." Isaiah 60:4-5 says, "Lift up your eyes and look about you: All assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the arm. Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come." Wherever the divorce tosses our children, whatever roads they may take in response to what they go through or as a consequence of actions taken, God says He can and will "bring them back", and restore them to us. He can and will redeem any harm done to them and give to them, and to us "beauty for ashes," rebuilding what was torn down around us and them (Is 61:3-4).

Matthew 18:10 is another precious verse to me illustrating God's protection on my children. It says, "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." It is so amazing to me to know that each of my children has an angel in heaven assigned to them and that those angels have direct access to the Father, interceding for my children! Not only are they covered by my prayers for them and by God's love for them, but to top it all off, they have their very own angel!

I also pray Psalm 91:10-12 over my home and my children : "...no harm will befall us, no disaster will come near [our home]. For God will command His angels concerning us, to guard us in all our ways; they will lift us up in their hands, so that we will not even strike our foot against a stone."

1 Cor 7:14 says, "...the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife... Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." No matter what has gone on in your marriage and your home and no matter what your children were and are exposed to, through your faith and trust in the Lord, He blesses your children, establishes His covenant with them, and considers them "holy" in His sight.

Well, I am sure that there are 100s more awesome verses for our children out there - these are just a few that God has revealed to me and led me to pray over my own children. I hope to discover more and more each day as I spend time in His Word, the only true protection over my family. When I begin to learn more, I will be sure to pass those on as well - But no matter how many verses we know, God knows our hearts. He sees our love for our children and our concern for them. He knows that we want their physical, emotional, and spiritual protection and wholeness of mind. I encourage you to take your normal, natural anxiety for your children and place it on His altar in faith. Let Him reveal to YOU His love and mercy for these little ones.

Lord, thank you that my children have a special place in your heart and that they are precious to you, holy in your sight. I give my children to you, as they are not my own anyway, but are entrusted to me for this short time on earth. Lord, You are their True Father, their Abba, and I trust in your love for them. Lord, teach me how to pray for my children. Please show me verses to pray for them and teach me more about trusting them to you. Lord, I am not defeated by this divorce. My children are not defeated by this divorce. We can do all things through Christ, our strength. We are more than conquerors. We are victorious and protected through the blood of Christ. Help us to go forward and live walking each day in this victory. In Jesus' name.

Going In Circles?

2008-09-02T22:11:00.005-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to Scriptures referenced)

Do you ever feel like you are just going in circles, passing by the same "landmark" over and over again, and feeling like what you are doing is just useless, going nowhere fast, getting nothing accomplished? Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself when I keep hearing the same Truth over and over and I think "Lord, I KNOW this is True, so why don't I finally 'get it' and move forward!"
One night I was reading to my kids about the battle of Jericho and the men who marched around and around and around the wall, over and over again, for days, because that is what God had commanded them to do (Joshua 6).
While reading this, in my head I was thinking: How silly is it that the Israelites had to walk around the wall of Jericho EVERY day for 6 days, one time each day. And how silly is it that on the seventh day they walked seven times then had to blow their horns and THEN the walls fell down? It just seems ridiculous, honestly, when you first hear the story. What were they thinking while all of that was going on? Were they thinking “this is stupid” “why are we doing this” or “this is crazy”?
I don’t think so. I think they were trusting in the Lord. They had disobeyed him in the wilderness, they knew the consequences of Moses’ disobedience when striking the rock for water, they knew the consequences of not trusting the Lord to give them the Promised Land the first time they came to it. I believe that these men KNEW that the Lord Jehovah could have crashed the walls of Jericho on day one all by Himself if he wanted to. All God had to do was say the word and those walls could fall in the blink of an eye.

So why didn’t He? Because FAITH in God and FAITHFULNESS to God are required of His people (1 Cor 4:1-2, Hebrews 11:6) . He could have given His people the city right away, with nothing doing on their part; but He chose to not do it that way. He tested their faith and their trust in Him and, after their faithfulness was shown, the city was delivered to them.
In thinking about all of this, I also thought of Jesus instructing the disciples in the boat where to throw their nets (John 21:3-7). The disciples had been fishing all night but had caught nothing. Jesus appeared before them and said “cast your net on the right side of the boat” and when they did it exactly as He said, their nets were filled with fish! Did Jesus really need them to cast their nets in that one particular spot? He is Jesus! Couldn’t He, being the son of God, have filled their nets no matter where they were? Couldn’t he have just said the word and had the fish jump straight in the boat if He wanted to? He could have done any of this, but, again, He chose to INVOLVE His people in His miracle just as God the father involved the Israelites in Jericho. As with Jericho, Jesus wanted to REWARD their faith and their faithfulness. He gave them a chance to trust and obey and then He rewarded their response.

God can do anything with a word, just as He spoke the entire Universe into place with His Word (Hebrews 11:3), but He chooses to involve us in what He is doing and He chooses to exercise our faith and our faithfulness– not to exasperate us or make us “work”, but to equip us, to train us, to strengthen us, and to lovingly and patiently involve us in what He is doing. If God had broken the walls of Jericho Himself, he could have done it in one day, one second even. But He involved His people and so it took seven long days.
God wants to involve us not just to strengthen us and train us up but also simply because He delights in us (Psalm 149:4). Look at Genesis 2:19 "Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man (Adam) to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name." Did God need Adam to name the animals for Him? No, but He brought the animals to Adam "to see what he would name them" - our God wants to be involved with us, delights in being involved with us. This is just like those times I choose (when I have time!) to involve my children in washing dishes with me, or putting away laundry, or making dinner. I don’t need their help at all. In fact, I can get my work accomplished much faster without them being invovled. But my children delight in helping me. They feel important standing next to me at the sink or the washing machine. They puff out their little chests and know they are "mama's helper". And, when I let go of my uptight desire to just “get it done” and done "my way", I enjoy having them next to me. How much moreso is this true with our Perfect Father? God enjoys having us next to him. He enjoys involving us in His miracles. He can do it himself, but He wants to teach us, to lovingly guide us alongside Him.
So, the next time I am marching around and around and around feeling "useless" or even "silly," I will try to remember all of this. And, while I'm marching, I will also remember that there is a "seventh day" coming for ME and, when I shout, ALL the walls will come tumbling down!

Lord, thank you that You delight in me and You WANT a relationship with me; you WANT to involve me in Your works, in Your plan. Lord, help me to not grow weary while doing what is good and help me remember that in YOUR timing I WILL reap a harvest (Gal 6:9). I love You, Lord and I TRUST YOU that I am NOT just "marching in circles" but that You WILL bring to completion the good work You began in me (Phil 1:6) and that I WILL have VICTORY through Jesus! (Ps 118:15, Prov 2:7, 1 Cor 15:57 1 John 5:4-5. In Jesus' name, Amen!

I Think I'm The Only One...

2008-09-01T22:25:00.002-04:00

(Note: the hi-lited passages provide links to the Scriptures referenced)

One way that Satan can deceive us when we are weak is to "lure us away" from others by making us think that we are the "only one" who has the troubles or thoughts that we have.
The bible describes Satan as a "prowling lion", seeking who he will "devour" (1 Peter 5:7-9). With this image of Satan in mind, I picture him in one of those "Discovery Channel" scenes where you see the little gazelles down at the watering hole and the lion is prowling about, looking for that one little gazelle off by itself, isolated from the rest of the herd - and then he makes his attack - He can so easily stalk us and attack when he is able to lure us off by ourselves, making us think we are "the only one who....."
One single mom writes (and I have permission to re-write this):
"One night I was sitting on my porch, feeling absolutely isolated and thinking 'no one understands', 'no one has dealt with someone like him before' and I started thinking it just wasn't worth it anymore - I had a very vivid picture of just giving up and how exactly I would finally just end it all for myself and my kids and it would all be over and then we could just be in heaven once and for all and not have to deal with him any more. My thoughts became darker and darker and I even started to come up with a very detailed plan for "how I would do it".
Suddenly, the Spirit rose up in me, offended, and said "NO. STOP. These thoughts are NOT from Me -I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand (Deut 32:39). I know the number of your days (Job 14:5, Psalm 39:4) and this is to be determined by ME, not by you or by the enemy!" God began to speak to me and helped me realize that my thoughts are either of Him or of darkness and that these thoughts of death were NOT from my Creator, who had already numbered my days and who was in control of each day, but that these thoughts were of Satan. Then, once I recognized the source of my thoughts, God said "Why do you think your enemy wants to kill you? It is because he knows that you are a threat to him. He knows that I have plans for you - to redeem you, to deliver you, to use your weakness to bring glory to my name (2 Cor 12:9). He is afraid of you; he wants you dead because he knows I have AWESOME plans for you and for your children!" God also showed me that to think of "death" was pointless, because as a believer, I was already "dead" to all of my past mistakes, past sin, dead to all my "problems" in the flesh here on earth - I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me! (Gal 2:20).
Somehow, by God's grace, just knowing this empowered me and gave me new strength and a new resolution. I rebuked those thoughts from Satan, and spoke out loud that these thoughts were NOT from My Father who loves me but that He, My Father, wanted me to LIVE and to accomplish His purpose for me (Psalm 138:7-8)!"
From talking to lots of single moms, I know that thoughts of just "putting an end to it" are far too common. If Satan has tried to fool YOU with thinking that would be the best way to just end the pain you are in right now, then just know that you are NOT the only one - do NOT let him "lure you away" - Satan knows the gifts, the blessings, the glory that Your Father has in store for you - and he will do everything he can to keep you from those blessings. Now that you know that this is an old trick, a "one-liner" he uses on everyone, be on your guard against him and stand firm against his lies - Let nothing get between you and the gifts that Your Father has in store for you!

Lord, you say that Your sheep will know the voice of their Shepherd, that they shall never perish and that no one can snatch them from Your hand (John 10:27-28). Lord, help ME to know Your voice. Help me, in my darkest times, in the valley of the shadow of death, to know that you are with me, to comfort me and to lead me and to know that you will NEVER leave me or forsake me (Psalm 23, Deut 31:6). Help me Lord to guard my heart against the enemy and his lies and to know that You have BLESSINGS in store for me, LIFE and NOT death (Prov 4:23, Phil 4:7, Isaiah 30:18, Rev 2:9-11, Rev 22:17) ! In Jesus Name, Amen!

On My Way To A Better Country!

2008-08-31T20:22:00.005-04:00

(Note: The Hi-lited passages provide links to the sites or Scriptures referenced)

Hebrews 11:13-16 reads:
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

One night, I was praying about the divorce and saying "WHY? Why did this happen Lord?" and the Lord gave this verse above to me. When I read this verse, I was overwhelmed with a peace that could only have come from The Spirit. I think that giving me this verse was His way of saying "I have something better for you, daughter...Trust in me." Isn't is strange how we know that things were bad, we know that something was wrong and that our marriage(s) were not the way God intended it to be, and yet it was all we knew so we look back to "Egypt" and think we were better off there, starving and dying? But God says to us - You can go back to that world if you want to - you can return to "Egypt" if that is what you really desire - BUT - if you are willing to walk by faith and not by sight, if you are willing to hold on and pass through the desert with me, walk through the waters with me, brave the storm, then I will lead you out of this season into something better. Hold on. Let me raise you up and deliver you because I HAVE prepared something better for you - let's go there together!
I have said many times that I know now that as hard as divorce has been, I am not going back to Egypt - I am going to keep stepping forward with my Lord, knowing that He has prepared a place for me and that it is a place of blessing, honor and favor. I am His precious child and He WILL provide for me! Amen!

Lord, I trust in You and You alone. You are El Shaddai - God all mighty who is all sufficient, who nourishes, who supplies, and who satisfies. Lord, you are Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, and your grace is sufficient for me (Gen 22:14, 2 Cor 12:9). Lord, I trust in you that YOU ARE MY DELIVERER (2 Sam 22:2, Ps 18:2, Ps 50:15, 40:17, 70:5).
Lord, "for those who suffer You deliver in their suffering; You speak to them in their affliction.
You woo them to you from the jaws of distress, to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food" (from Job 36:15-16).
Thank You, Lord, that I have been delivered from a life of distress, of bondage, of pain, of slavery. Forgive me Lord that like the children of Israel, there are times I think it would be better to enter back into those times of slavery than to walk into the NEW country you have prepared for me (Num 14:2-4). Lord, I believe that YOU determine the times set for me and the exact places where I will live (Acts 17:26) and I know that You alone can heal me and that NO ONE can deliver me from Your Hand (Deut 32:39). I will walk with you, Lord, and trust in Your plan for me - a plan to PROSPER me and to bring GOOD to me, plans for HOPE and a FUTURE - in Jesus name, Amen!!!!

A Nugget To Chew On From RT Kendall

2008-08-29T21:41:00.005-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages are links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures)

Right now I am reading Total Forgiveness - again - GREAT BOOK!! One of "my women" who had been through similar circumstances and helped carry me through the beginning of my journey told me that I "had" to buy it and I thank God that I did. It has been one of those "life-changing" books.
Anyway, I was reading it tonight and this little nugget was just too good to not pass on -
RT Kendall writes:
"What is an enemy? It is a person who either wants to harm you or who would say something about you so as to call your credibility or integrity into question. They would rejoice at your downfall or your lack of success. They would not pray that God would bless you and prosper you but instead they would sincerely hope that God would bring you down...
An enemy is also a person who will take unfair advantage of you; they will "despitefully use you" (Matt 5:44). They will walk all over you. If they know you place vengeance in God's hands rather than your own...they will exploit it all the more - knowing you will not retaliate..."

"An enemy will often persecute you. The Greek word for "persecute" simply means "to follow" or "to pursue". Enemies will pursue you, because they are obsessed with you...
The persecutor's main tactic is to discredit you. They will speak badly about you...tell your friends about any indiscretions they may perceive in your life; they will go out of their way to keep you from succeeding and from being admired...[They] don't kill with the sword or a gun; they do it with the tongue or the pen."
And here is the "Kicker":
"When you know that a person is obsessed with you and is out to discredit you, you are very, very blessed indeed. This doesn't happen to everyone. You are chosen, for behind your enemy is the hand of God. God has raised up your enemy - possibly just for you! King Saul's pursuit of David was the best thing that could have happened to David at the time. It was a part- a most vital part- of David's preparation to be king...God was ensuring that when the day came for him to wear the crown, he would be ready...God did David a very special favor. He raised up Saul to keep him on his toes, to teach him to be sensitive to the Spirit (1 Sam 24:5), and to teach him total forgiveness. Saul was David's passport to greater anointing..."

"If you have a real, relentless, genuine enemy - someone who is not a figment of your anxiety or imagination - then you should see yourself as sitting on a mine of twenty-four carat gold...If you have been blessed in this way, thank God every time you [think of this person]. Your enemy, should you handle him or her correctly, could turn out to be the best thing [spiritually] that ever happened to you" (!!!!)

Wow. Now that's ONE perspective. I just thought that was really interesting and wanted to pass it on. Any thoughts?

Matthew 5:11-12 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven..."

Sticks and Stones Part 2

2008-08-28T21:39:00.008-04:00

So, if we are not supposed to “engage” in any more battle with those who verbally attack us, either to our faces or behind our backs, then what CAN we do when we are hit with their false accusations, their lies that they continue to spread about, their manipulation?

First, consider the source – John 8:44 says that “[Satan] is a liar and the father of all lies.” Yes, that person has set out to hurt you but more importantly, they are being used by Satan to hurt you. Satan is “the accuser of the brethren” (Rev 12:10). Why is Satan accusing us? Because we are a threat to him and he wants to break us down and incapacitate us from carrying out God’s work. Ephesians 6:12 says: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
Spiritual warfare is real and those who “accuse the brethren” are being used! This is another thing to consider when you are choosing your own words against someone who has hurt you. Satan loves to use believers against other believers in his “war” – don’t let him use you to further his favorite sport!

Second, remember that when we fight the battle, we do not fight it as the world fights it – When you pray and ask God for wisdom in dealing with your hurt, be prepared that He MIGHT just tell you to deal with it in a way that does not make sense according to how the “world” tells you to deal with it. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world..." Ephesians 6:13-18 says, “Therefore put on the full armor of God...take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one..." And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests...” Remember, from yesterday's post, that those “flaming arrows of the evil one” can be those deceitful words, aimed straight at you, intended to knock you off of your feet.

But I am not Jesus(!!), one might argue at this point. I cannot keep from fighting back with those who have hurt me! I will tell you that if you truly want to be silent, I have been through this situation where vicious lies were being spread about me and about my family and God gave me the strength to keep my mouth SHUT and I thank Him constantly that He did so. Knowing what all was in my head and my heart at the time these lies were first being spread, I would have said something I know I would have regretted. Those lies are still being spread today but I have already seen the fruit of keeping my mouth shut and so I will continue to pray that He will help me keep it shut when it needs to be shut and give me the words to say when something needs to be said. If you ask Him to close your mouth as He closed the mouths of the lions in Daniel’s den, you can trust me that He will close your mouth. In Psalm 39:1, David says “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence." You can literally pray “Lord, put a muzzle on my mouth! Keep my tongue from evil!” He said to me over and over “Be still, and know that I am God” and Romans 12:17-19 “Do not repay anyone evil for evil... Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord.” Through His Holy Spirit, you DO have the power to keep your mouth shut and not take matters into your own hands. “With God all things are possible” (Matt 19:26). In 1 Corinthians 2:16, we are told that we have been given “the mind of Christ.” If you are a believer, you are entitled to this gift from God, the mind of Christ. Claim it and use it to His glory!

Third, if you definitely feel that you are supposed to open your mouth and say something, please do so PRAYERFULLY! God will give you the words to say and when to say them if you ask Him to do so. You can pray “Lord, help me keep my mouth shut when it needs to be shut and Lord give me the words to say when I need to say them!” You can pray from Psalm 49:3 “Lord, let my mouth speak words of wisdom; let the utterance from my heart give understanding.” You can pray from Isaiah 50:4 that the Lord would give you an instructed tongue, to know what words to say. Above all, remember the old saying that “the toothpaste cannot be put back in the tube.” Once you say something, it is out there. Remember that your words bring life or they bring death. Be a life-giver.

Fourth, we trust the end result to GOD, not to ourselves. I’m not saying that we never address the lies and say that they are lies. I am talking about not turning around and taking the matter into our own hands by trying to hurt or “repay” the liar(s). To shrug your shoulders and simply say of the lies - “That is not true. That is absolutely false. ” and then leave it at that with no retaliation is a step of faith and I believe that God will honor that faith. By forgiving the person who has spoken against you and trusting GOD to deal with the liar and not trying to deal with this person (or group) yourself, you are showing God that you trust Him more than you trust yourself and you know that His ways really are better than your ways! (Is 55:8). In short, you do it because God tells you to and because your idea of “justice” can in no way compare to His true justice. Also, remember the principle of sowing and reaping! That person who is sowing discord and hate will only reap more discord and hate. But if YOU, on your end, sow forgiveness and peace and refuse to sow further discord, you will reap the benefits of forgiveness and restoration in your own, other relationships.

But if I don’t retaliate, how will others know that the lies are not true? Again, I am not suggesting that you never let others know that what is being said is false. Unfortunately, however, there are some people who you could talk to until you are blue in the face and they will still believe the liar. Often, when dealing with people who are so attached to the liar, you only make yourself look worse by trying to undo the damage of the liar. Proverbs 17:28 says “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” Proverbs 9:7 says, "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.” Sometimes the more we defend ourselves and talk against the other person who is lying, the more our actions backfire against us. In Revelations 12 when Satan accuses the brethren with his lies, we are told that the innocent “overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” 1 Peter 2:12 and 15 says “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us…For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.”

We may never get to verbally defend ourselves here on earth but, as Hebrews 11:1 says, we live by faith and not by sight. We know by faith in God’s word that there will come a day when all darkness will come into the light and when the motives of men's hearts will be exposed(1 Cor 4:5). Part of our faith is believing that all of this foolishness on the earth will one day be reconciled not by ourselves, but by God. “[We are] aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them” (Heb 11:13-16). One day “Every knee will bow [before God]…Every tongue will confess to God” (Romans 14:11). Maybe, just maybe, you will be on your knees next to that person who lied about you and next to those who believed the liar. And, as we are all there, on our knees unable to stand in the presence of Almighty God, I promise you that the Truth WILL be known!

Thank you Lord that you will silence the tongues of those who lie (Psalm 63:11) and that what others intend for evil you can use for good to redeem those who are innocent (Gen 50:20). Lord, no weapon formed against me will prosper (Isaiah 54:17) and I will not be afraid because these weapons that have been formed against me will NOT prosper! You are more powerful than the lies. Thank you, Lord that you give wisdom generously to those who seek it (James 1:5). I ask you now for wisdom in how to deal with those who have hurt me. First, I pray that you would lead me into forgiveness for this person even though they have hurt me (Luke 6:27-42). I cannot do your will until I have forgiven this person (Matthew 18:21-25). Lord, teach me and help me know what to say and when to say it and help me know when to be silent (Is 50:4). Lord, shut my mouth when I am to be silent. I will not be anxious about these lies but through faith I will praise you and your sovereignty and I will allow your peace, which transcends all understanding, to guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:7).

Sticks and Stones

2008-08-27T22:29:00.002-04:00

Remember that childhood saying “stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? How incredibly untrue, and un-biblical, this old saying is! When others wrongly accuse us or use their “tongues for evil and their lips for speaking lies” (Psalm 34:13), these words can, and usually do, pierce and wound (Prov 12:18). That is their purpose for which they are sent out by the enemy and, often, we allow them to hit their target. Even when we know that the words said are untrue, we cannot discount the power of words to affect our mind, our heart, our soul.

Do you doubt the power of words? Think about this: With His Word, God spoke the universe into being (Genesis 1). By His Word, the universe is upheld and sustained (Hebrews 1:3). Jesus IS the incarnate Word “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us” (John 1:14). It was by God’s spoken word that He brought forth all of creation. Holy words are so powerful that when spoken, they can bring forth life (Jn 11:43-44)!

But then there are other words, not of God - the words that bring death. Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death.” In Psalm 5, David says of evil men: “Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave (death, stench); with their tongue they speak deceit.” We cannot say words are not powerful. Words can bring life or they can bring death. We ARE affected by words whether we like it or not.

It is so often in divorce that others will use words against us like weapons to beat us down and render us wounded, confused, crippled. This is even more dramatic, and never-ceasing, if your situation involves a “secret” abuser or addict who is so used to their perception of “being in control.” This person who was so adept at “hiding” their addiction or abusive personality is so used to being in control of you and your perception of them and the world’s perception of them that, when everything hits the fan, they suddenly feel out-of-control and they do not like it one bit. When they have been “outed”, their secret, “safe”, hidden, and “controlled” world of addiction and abuse has been threatened and this is not something they are going to take lying down. So what do they often do in response? They may lash out at you, they may blame you for their problems and concerns, they may initiate arguments with you over every little decision, they may accuse you of being “difficult” and “angry” to excuse their own behaviors, they may attempt to control YOU so that they can gain some semblance of their false sense of “dignity” and “control,” and the list could go on and on.

So, as the baffled women on the receiving end of controlling and manipulative behavior from others, what are we to do when our lives are touched by words of death, like a stinking, rotting open grave described in Psalm 5, and not words of healing and life like those from our Father (John 6:63, Psalm 107:19-20)?
I think the answer will always be different according to what God is doing in our lives at the time and what we hear from Him when we pray about our own situation.
No matter what, though, the most important first step we can always take before picking up the phone to tell others how we have been hurt or wronged, before sitting down to type out an angry or hurt E-mail, before finding our closest friend to tell them how we have been abused– the very first thing we ALWAYS need to do is take our hurt and confusion to the Father in prayer. Hebrews 4:14-16 says that the Lord is able to sympathize with ALL of our “infirmities” (amplified) and that, when hurt, we can “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Let Him calm your heart before you make any decisions you may later regret. You have been hurt by words of death that were carelessly spoken by someone else; you do not want to likewise be used by the enemy to fan the stench from this open grave into the lives of others.
Because you, as a believer, are an “ambassador of Christ,” (2 Cor 5:20) when you pray and listen to God, be open to the hard truth that He just MIGHT ask you to remain silent in the face of those who are telling lies about you. I am saying this not because I believe you have to be silent, but simply because this is what God put on my heart as what he wanted me to do when I was hurt by someone else - and I want you to know if this is what he calls you to do as well, just be open and willing and He WILL help you by His Spirit. It was by NO MEANS easy to keep my mouth shut and refrain from “telling everyone” what was really going on behind closed doors with the person who hurt me – but God gave me the help I needed and I have already seen the fruit and the rewards of obedience in not retaliating, not arguing, having “nothing to do with foolish arguments” (2 Tim 2:23). For one thing, God tells us that we will “reap” what we “sow”. If you are engaging in the power-play and “playing the game” with those who lash out at you, sowing seeds of anger and arguing, then you will only reap more of the same. If you “step out” of the game and refuse to engage, refuse to listen (yes, you have the right to hang up the phone when the call becomes “unproductive” with the person attacking you!), and if you “promote peace”, then you will reap more of this for yourself simply by shutting the other person's anger out and not allowing it in your home or on your phone.
Psalm 64:2-3 says that the words of evil-doers are like “deadly arrows.” In Ephesians 6, where we are told how to fight against the enemy, are we told to battle the “flaming arrows” (words) of our enemy with our tongues? No, Ephesians says we battle them by holding up the shield of our faith. What does it look like to hold up the shield of faith against the words of others? Consider Isaiah 53, where we read the prophecy about Jesus and how He responded when He was falsely accused by those who wanted to kill Him, “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth” (verse 7). Why didn’t He open His mouth? John 19:10-11 says "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?" Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above…" Jesus knew that bantering back and forth was not the way to battle. He chose instead to hold up the shield of faith, knowing that His Father in Heaven has all the power, not the liar. Our “shield of faith” is that we have a Father who sees everything that is going on, who loves us and protects us, and who WILL vindicate us in His time. Our faith is that HE, our Father, knows the truth and that that’s all that matters – He WILL take care of it and He will reward our faith in HIS right to avenge, not ours.
I love you, O LORD, my strength. You are my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; You are my rock, in whom I take refuge. You are my shield and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold. You are the God who avenges me…who saves me from my enemies. You exalt me above my foes; from violent men you rescue me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name. (From Psalm 18)

Wrongfully Accused

2008-08-26T22:17:00.005-04:00

(Please note that the hi-lited passages provide links to the sites or Scriptures referenced)

"Who is like you, O LORD ? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them.
Ruthless witnesses come forward; they question me on things I know nothing about.
They repay me evil for good and leave my soul forlorn...
...When I stumbled, they gathered in glee; attackers gathered against me when I was unaware. They slandered me without ceasing.
Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked ; they gnashed their teeth at me.,,
O Lord, how long will you look on? Rescue my life from their ravages, my precious life from these lions.
I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among throngs of people I will praise you.
Let not those gloat over me who are my enemies without cause; let not those who hate me without reason maliciously wink the eye.
They do not speak peaceably, but devise false accusations against those who live quietly in the land...
O LORD, you have seen this; be not silent. Do not be far from me, O Lord.
Awake, and rise to my defense! Contend for me, my God and Lord.
Vindicate me in your righteousness, O LORD my God; do not let them gloat over me.
Do not let them think, "Aha, just what we wanted!" or say, "We have swallowed him up."
May all who gloat over my distress be put to shame and confusion; may all who exalt themselves over me be clothed with shame and disgrace.
May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say,
"The LORD be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant."
My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long." (Psalm 35)

You know how people always say "be careful what you pray for?" It is ironic how we pray for something like patience or self-control and then when God actually starts to teach us these things through our real experiences, we react by saying "whoooah - that's not what I meant! Can't you just hand it over to me without all this pain?" Sometimes God can change things within us overnight but other times there are parts of us that He knows are best changed over time, through our own experiences.
Shortly before my divorce and before I even knew there would ever BE a divorce, I naievely prayed that God would deliver me from being a people-pleaser and worrying so much what others thought of me. Well, a divorce will either quickly deliver you from caring what others think OR you will go insane obsessing about what everyone is saying. Divorce is a like a foul retention pond, a perverse breeding ground for all the parasitic rumors, lies, misconceptions, and slander that you can imagine.
As the care-givers in our relationships, those who are involved or affected by addicts or abusers are shocked when these lies and accusations come at us from the other person- we think "what did I do to deserve this?" "How could they say this about me?" Because of our tendency to project everything onto ourselves as "a consequence of something I did wrong" we also, wrongly, tend to worry that the unjustified attacks from others, the lies and false rumors, are a sign of God's disapproval or that we must be doing something wrong or this person and their "friends"
would not be spreading "malicious gossip."
In Acts 13:22, Paul recalls the scripture from 1 Samuel 13:14 where God says of David, author of the above-quoted Psalm 35, "'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart". Here was David, a man so beloved of God that God SPOKE of him as "a man after my own heart." And yet even David, beloved of God the Father, approved and anointed, even David suffered from malicious gossipers, liars, evil-doers (see Psalm 35 above).
Luke 6:46-49 says, "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."
Notice that there are two types of people Jesus lists here : The person who is pleasing to God, with their house built on the Rock (the solid foundation of God and His Word) or the person with their house built on the sand (the foolish person who trusts in the world and not in the Lord). Does the rain ONLY fall on the foolish man's house in the sand? NO!
It is so important to take notice that Jesus says not only will it "rain" on both houses, but it will FLOOD - there will be TORRENTS (like a hurricane in some cases!) - on BOTH houses.
So when you are standing in the midst of the storm, which WILL come in anyone's life - and when the filthy rains of this world are falling on you, blowing you almost over, soaking you - do NOT assume this rain is falling on you because you have done something "wrong" or because God is "displeased" - Remember that the rain will fall on the foolish AND the wise -
As Matthew 5:45 says, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Do not look up into the rain and wonder why the rain is falling on you - the rain will only blind you where you cannot see; this is a waste of time! Instead, look at where you are standing while it is raining. Are you standing firmly on Christ, the ROCK (1 Cor 10:4) who will provide you with the ONLY stability available? Or are you trying (probably unsuccessfully) to stand on the sand, which will shift and change and sink beneath you?
The Lord tells us that the rain WILL fall - we WILL have troubles in this life, no matter what (John 16:33). So, knowing this, what YOU need to think about is not how to avoid the rain, but - How sturdy is YOUR "house" and how will it withstand the storms?
Oh Lord, I know the rains will fall. I know there will be trouble. As long as Satan roams around this earth, there will be lying and evil and pain. But You are my strength. You are my rock. You are my defender. I trust in YOU Lord to keep my feet firmly planted and to hold me up when I feel like I cannot stand up any more. When I am weak, You are strong. Lord, help me build a firm foundation for myself and my children that our house will be built on the rock, forever. Please show me, Lord, if there are any areas I need to change or grow so that my foundation will be firmer, more solid. I believe that You will give me strength Lord and that you will make my foundation secure in Jesus' name - Amen
Psalm 40:1-2
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."

From "THE SOLID ROCK" (A Hymn by Edward Mote)
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
...I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale, My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.
ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND; ALL OTHER GROUND IS
SINKING SAND, ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND.
ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND; ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND"

Your Choice Part 2

2008-08-25T09:49:00.011-04:00

(Please note: The hi-lited passages provide links to the sites and Scriptures referenced)

Yesterday I felt led to write an entry on Forgiveness and about choosing your path that you would go down post-divorce. I wrote this because, like anything I write, it is something that I personally struggle with and that God is teaching me.
I want to clarify that the struggle to forgive those who have hurt us is a daily battle that we fight. But first we have to recognize, as I pointed out in yesterday's post, that there IS a battle.
If I ever doubted that there was a battle, then I only need to read God's Word to know that this battle is real and that there is a daily fight for my thoughts and my relationship with God.
1 Peter 5:8-9 (Amplified) says, "Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour. Withstand him; be firm in faith [against his onset--rooted, established, strong, immovable, and determined], knowing that the same (identical) sufferings are appointed to your brotherhood (the whole body of Christians) throughout the world."
When I was writing yesterday, I was not saying that if you choose the path of life and obedience, then you will be "super-spiritual" and never have thoughts of anger or bitterness. You WILL have these thoughts! Satan will tempt you by provoking you. He will tempt you with anything he can to try to lure you away from the Eden-relationship that God desires to have with you through His Son. Like he did with Adam and Eve, the enemy will say things like "Now, do you think that's REALLY what God meant?" or "surely this ONE time it's okay to do it your way...you 'deserve' to do what you think is right!" (Gen 3:1). He is slowly, craftily luring you away from Your Father, the Shepherd. The enemy wants to "scatter the flock" and separate us from our Shepherd because he knows the Shepherd loves us, protects us, and lays down His life for us (John 10:11-15). The enemy has come "to steal, and to kill, and to destroy..." and to prevent you from the "abundant life" that God has for you (John 10:10). So, these thoughts and suggestions will come and, in our flesh, we will want to retreat to our anger and bitterness. The battle begins when we are given the choice of what we will DO with these thoughts after they arrive.
Satan knows of God, from his own wicked personal experience, that "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin" (1 John 1:5-7).
Satan also knows that God's Word says "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him" (1 John 2:9-11).

As I already said, I am writing about this because I am experiencing it first hand and I am learning it day by day. I am learning that forgiveness is a DAILY battle for my thoughts. It is one, though, that I am willing to fight because I want that "fellowship with Him...walking in the light..." and I do NOT want Satan to trick me into blindly wandering away from that fellowship. I am willing to do anything I can, even if that means I let go of all bitterness and anger that I feel "entitled to", so that nothing will hinder my relationship and fellowship with My Father. Ephesians 4:30-31 says, "...Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." That makes it pretty clear to me that if I want to walk in the light, in perfect fellowship with My Father, I HAVE to do a daily clean-up and submit my thoughts back to God's control instead of to my flesh.
This is NOT an easy thing to do. It completely goes against what our flesh wants. It takes sacrifice, which is never "fun." Sacrifice involves death, pain, brokenness - none of which sounds easy or light. It takes laying down those feelings on God's altar and saying here, Lord, take this from me. I don't want it anymore. Burn it up on your altar; I give it to you. Romans 12:1-2 says "I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

So when I allow my thoughts to be transformed by the Spirit and when I undertake this daily renewal of my mind, does this mean that I am best friends with the person who has hurt me and that I am "in fellowship" with him and I think of him with fondness as "my brother"? No, it does not - not according to the world's definition at least. Some people may be able to have such a relationship that is publicly open and trusting with those who have formerly hurt or betrayed them but often, especially when dealing with an addict, this relationship is simply not realistic.

What it DOES mean is that I am willing to submit my thoughts about this person who has hurt me to God and let GOD deal with those emotions instead of battling them in my flesh. Just this morning, Satan dropped one of his little "surprise packages" at my door (how ironic in light of the fact that I just wrote on forgiveness last night! Coincidence? hardly!) There was a situation before me where, in all my flesh, I was perfectly "justified" in harboring anger, bitterness, unforgiveness with someone. There were words spoken that I could have chosen to replay over and over and over in my head, mulling over them, letting them soak in like poison and eat away at my joy, my peace, and, ultimately, my communion with God. But, by the grace of God the Spirit in me recognized these words as "fiery darts" from the enemy. Though the words came from the mouth of FP, they were designed by the enemy to "steal...destroy...kill."
Ephesians 6:12-13 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood (your "battle" is NOT against the person who has hurt you!) but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Your "battle" is with SATAN, who is attacking you by using means of this world). Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."
This morning, when I was attacked by thoughts that could have given way to bitterness and anger, I wanted to make SURE that I had "done everything...to stand [my] ground." This meant that instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I had to immediately "take them captive" (2 Cor 10:5) and I had to immediately "transform...renew my mind" (Rom 12:2).
2 Corinthians 2:10-11 says "...What I have forgiven...I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his [Satan's] schemes."
This morning, when confronted with controversy, I had to recognize the attack as not from FP, the person, but from the enemy (not of flesh and blood, but spirit) and recognize that he [Satan] was doing this to steal my joy, to deceive me, to lure me away from My Shepherd. I had to pray for my thoughts and I had to pray for FP (Rom 12:14). This is only done by God's grace and with His help. Again, I am not the expert on this, I am just another student of the Spirit, like you, learning each day by His grace! I pray for you and for me that we will learn more about this each day, so that we can have His peace instead of anger, love instead of anger, joy instead of depression, freedom instead of bitterness.
2 Timothy 2:22-27 "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."
Lord, I want to renew and transform my thoughts right now and line them up in obedience to your will. I want to get rid of all of this bitterness, anger, rage. Lord, this person who has set out to attack and hurt me has sinned against you and you alone and I give their sin back to you and remove myself from this situation. I forgive them Lord for they do not know what they are doing. They are held captive by the enemy and I pray for their release. I pray that you would bless them Lord with your healing and restoration. I pray that they would know your love and your perfect will and that they will not be blinded by the world. Lord, fill my heart with your peace, your joy, your love. Take my thoughts captive and let me only dwell on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy (Phil 4:8). Help me to see the world as YOU see it and not through my own eyes. Show me if there is anything in my heart that remains to be cleansed so that I can continue in perfect fellowship with you, through the blood of your Son. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The Choice Is Yours

2008-08-24T20:19:00.006-04:00

(Please Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to the sites and Scriptures that are referenced)

In Deuteronomy 30:15, 19-20, Moses says to the Israelites, "See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction...This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."
Similarly, in Joshua 24:15, Joshua says to the Israelites "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

The Lord puts two choices before us each day - We can choose this day to take HIS way and HIS path, or we can choose the path of the enemy, a path of destruction and emptiness. So often in our lives we try to live like the world tricks us into believing - in "shades of gray," not calling a spade a spade and not acknowledging that, according to the Truth (and not according to the world's way of seeing things) that there really is only black or white, good or evil, God's way or Satan's way. We are only given two choices - Life (God's way) or Death (Satan's way). Matthew 5:37 says "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." That's pretty black and white. This is reiterated in James 5:12b "Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned." Notice that there is no "Maybe" listed as an option in these verses...There is no "just this one time....I might...." It is either "Yes" or "No" - "Black" or "White". Or, as Revelations 3:15-16 puts it, there is only either "Hot" or "Cold" in God's eyes. He detests the "lukewarm," the "Maybe," the "Shades of Gray." In this verse, the Lord says to the church in Laodicea: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Where am I going with all of this? In the Divorce Care Bible Study, Steve Grissom talks about how, in the after-math of divorce, there are only two paths before us to go down and we must choose which path to take. One path is the path of bitterness and unforgiveness (this would line up with choosing the path of death, destruction, or coldness from the verses above) or, on the other hand, there is the path of healing and forgiveness (this would line up with choosing the path of life and prosperity, "on fire" for God). I believe, looking at the verses above, that there really are only 2 choices here. And we each have to decide which path we will take after the divorce. I think we can all picture people who have chosen one path or the other. There is the "angry, bitter" divorcee who, whenever you run into her at the grocery store or mall, is quick to tell you how horrible her life is and how the other person has "ruined everything" and her "whole life sucks" because of him. Then there is the divorcee we run into while we are out and about who has moved on, is living her OWN life, and is not "bound" by the other person... and we think "HOW does she do it? THAT is the joy that I want!"
Which woman will you become? There are only 2 choices available, so choose this day what your choice will be.
There are very clear consequences for choosing one path or the other. These are listed in the Divorce Care workbook and are better explained through the study, but I will just list them here. (They are also discussed in the Divorce Care Devotions book which, if you cannot attend the class, I HIGHLY recommend getting).
The consequences of unforgiveness are:
Depression (God is very clear in His Word that our unforgiveness separates us from Him, which in turn will steal our joy)
Bitterness and negativity (even to those who haven't caused you any harm)
Hurt to those around us (they feel targeted by our misplaced anger)
Physical, spiritual, and emotional sickness (again, a consequence of our separation from God)
Loneliness (who wants to be around someone eaten up by bitterness and anger, "spewing" their anger on all those around them??)

The benefits of choosing the other path, the path of forgivenss are:
Freedom to move on (What is the point of being divorced if you are going to continue to be wrapped up in this person and letting them control your emotions and well-being?!)
Healing (A "scab" cannot heal if you keep "picking at it" - likewise, your life will not heal as long as you keep re-opening the wounds the other person has left behind)
Forgiveness is the "antidote" for resentment and anger (forgiveness is liberating - as long as you are living in unforgiveness and anger, you are continuing to give the other person "power" over you and your emotions)
The situation will no longer have power over you if you choose to let it go.

You are standing at a cross-road and there are only two choices. If you are already ON the road of bitterness and anger and unforgiveness and have been there for quite a while, it is NEVER too late to tell God you are READY to get OFF of that road! God is the God of reconciliation! Look at Luke 15 - We have the parable of the lost sheep, the lost coin, the lost (prodigal) son all right there together. God is saying to us "Come back! Jump on MY path! It's not too late! Don't go down that path - that path is DEATH! Come to ME you who are weary! (Matt 11:28)"

How do we start back to the right path, to God's path? First, Satan wants to keep us on that wrong path, the anger path, so he will try to do everything he can to keep us in that anger and bitterness. There will be true spiritual warfare, battle through your mind, for Satan to try to keep you on that path. This means that you will have to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and be IN THE WORD, reading the TRUTH, the Bible! You cannot get to the other path on your own. You can only do it through the power of the Holy Spirit within you. And you will probably have to DAILY "take your thoughts captive to Christ." Do not let Satan fool you into thinking that this is anything less than a battle for your mind. 2Corinthians 10:3-5 says "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." This sure sounds like a battle to me! And it sure sounds like I'd better start fighting! DAILY!
It really is a daily struggle to walk on this path of life and light. Daily Satan will shoot "fiery darts" at you, trying to wound you, trying to put you back on the path of bitterness and anger (Ephesians 6:16). He will replay thoughts, conversations, instances, situations, etc. in your head, all "justifying" your anger and unforgiveness. This is where you will have to "demolish" every one of those arguments and "take captive" every thought, making it "obedient to Christ." Again, making a choice whether to give in and lie down on the battlefield, or stand up for yourself and your kids and say "No more!"

So how do we begin? In the Divorce Care workbook, there is a "process" - I started this process a few years ago and I am STILL experiencing it day by day, but I can tell you that I am MILES further down my road of forgiveness than when I began - and the FREEDOM I have is significant and life-giving!
The first step = "Ask God to forgive ME" - We need to confess to God if we are holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness because, if so, we are holding on to something that belongs ONLY to God (Deut 32:35, Psalm 51:4) and is NOT our realm of responsibility.
The second step = "Transfer the hurts and offenses that I have been carrying" - Lord, these sins of this person are too heavy for me to bear. I give them to you as YOUR property. Take these offenses and nail them to the cross. Take these offenses from my mind, from my heart- I've had enough and I don't want to bear them any more. Please take them from me so that I can move forward, unhindered, unbound.
The third step = "Turn the other person over to God" - Give the Lord ownership of the person who has hurt you. Pray that God would put HIS hand and HIS judgment over that person and then you LET GO. Trust in the Lord, the righteous judge, to deal with that person justly. You may never "see" this justice in your lifetime - you may never see this person "pay" according to YOUR standards, but by letting it go and giving it over to the Lord, on His altar, you are performing an act of FAITH in HIS Lordship and He WILL honor your faith!

All of this may be old news to some of you or for others it may be very hard to read. You may be thinking "Heck no I'm not forgiving that person! Do you know what they did to me and what they continue to do every day???" No, I don't know and really nobody knows but you and God. So don't argue with me about whether you should forgive that person or not. Take your question to God. He already knows what is in your heart anyway, so why not talk to Him about it? Ask Him RIGHT NOW to show you His will for your freedom, for letting go of anger and bitterness. Ask Him to show you how to forgive, how and where to start the battle. He DESIRES freedom for you (Luke 4:18). This freedom is part of His will, His plan for you. If you ASK Him to help you find this freedom, He WILL answer and guide you (1 John 5:14-15). And, after you ask Him, then you must follow James 1:22, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."!!! Even if you are not there yet, the Lord will honor your obedience in simply asking Him to HELP you get there!

Lord, you say that with faith the size of a mustard seed I can move mountains (Matt 17:20). Lord, I give this mustard seed, the size of the tip of a pin, to you. This tiny bit of faith that I can forgive. This tiny mustard seed of forgiveness that I have, I give it to you Lord. Grow it Father with the Light of Your Holy Spirit within me. Water it Lord with the Living Waters of Your Word. Father, I want healing. I need Your healing. Show me Lord the path to healing and forgiveness and guide my feet down this path, closer and closer to You. Open my ears to hear you and my heart to obey you. Teach me Your ways, Lord. Remind me each day Lord to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. Every thought, every attack, every phone call, every E-mail that is false and hurtful and sets itself up against your Truth - remind me to take it captive to You so that NOTHING will hinder my walk with you and my relationship with You. I love you Lord and I cry out to you for Your help, that I can grow closer to You each day and fight against all weapons that seek to pull me away from you. In Jesus' name Amen!"

Oh Me Of Little Faith

2008-08-21T22:30:00.011-04:00

(Please Note: All hi-lited passages in this post provide links to the appropriate site or Scripture referenced)

The other night, I was watching Joyce Meyer on TV and I was thinking "If only I had faith and wisdom like Joyce Meyer..." After the show was over, this line of thought continued, going nowhere but in a downward spiral of course, with me obsessing about how "amazing" Joyce is and how I could "never" be the amazing godly woman that she is.
Then the Lord said to me: "The Spirit within Joyce Meyer is the SAME SPIRIT I have given you (1 Cor 12:11) - So why would you think she has power that you are unable to access through My Spirit within you?"
This may be a "duh" thing for everyone else out there and maybe I am the densest person in the world, but this was ground-breaking for me. I mean I always knew that those who are believers each have the Holy Spirit but I guess I just never thought too deeply about the amount of power within each of us being the same, by the same Spirit, and what this means for ME. I "knew" it, but I wasn't LIVING it!
Anyway, I started getting really, REALLY excited about this once I got going with it. In my head, I was thinking through all the "gurus" of the faith that I could and acknowledging that the same Spirit within them is within ME. I was thinking "I have the same Holy Spirit as Billy Graham! I have the same Holy Spirit as Elisabeth Elliot! I have the same Holy Spirit as Beth Moore! Max Lucado! Oswald Chambers! C.S. Lewis! Mother Theresa!"
These people are/were simply human like I am. They are no "better," no more "capable" than I am - they are all just "jars of clay" who the Lord chose to use for His glory "to show that [their] all-surpassing power is from GOD and NOT from [themselves]" (2 Cor 4:6-7)
NOT ONE of these men or women could accomplish ANYTHING that they accomplished apart from the Holy Spirit within them - the same Power that is within me AND within YOU! (John 15:5).

In Ephesians 2:18-22, Paul writes of the Israelites and the Gentiles that through Christ, God "created in Himself one new man out of the two...For through Him we both have access to the Father BY ONE SPIRIT." This same "One Spirit", the Holy Spirit, is the One Spirit who unites us all as children of God and as equal heirs to His blessings through Christ (Gal 3:29). This One Spirit gives each of us different gifts and, although we are all given different gifts, we are told that each one of us (that means YOU too!) ARE given gifts "for the common good" (1 Cor 12:7-11). I may never be a national speaker like Joyce Meyer, as that may not be my particular gift, but I still have access to the same amazing Spiritual Power that lights her up from within - I have access to the same Truth that inspires her, strengthens her, motivates her.
Are you tempted to think that you cannot make it because you are just not "as strong as (insert name of 'great spiritual guru' here)_______?" The same Spirit who made that person "great" is the same Spirit within you, and He WILL empower you if you allow Him to! That person is nothing apart from Christ, and neither are you.

When the Lord appeared to Moses in Exodus and told Moses what He wanted him to do, "Moses said to the LORD, 'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.' [Then] The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (Ex 4:10-12)
Are you arguing with God that you cannot "handle" your role as a single mom? That you just cannot walk the road in front of you right now? If so, you, like Moses, are by NO means the first one God has had this "argument" with - so don't beat yourself up - Instead, listen to His Answers! What is He saying in His Word to us and to all the others who have "argued" with Him in the past?
He is saying to you, like He has said to those before you: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because [of the world around you], for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deut 31:6)
Is this not the same message, in different words, that He gave to all of His people throughout the Bible? He patiently listened to their protests that they "could not do it" and then He gently showed them that they COULD do whatever He called them to, by His Power within them.
Is this not the same message that Jesus left with His disciples shortly before His death when He said "The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and DO NOT be afraid....In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world..."(John 14:25-27, John 16:33)
You are NOT alone, struggling to "survive" - As David says of the Lord, "You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me." (Psalm 139:5) Your Father has also "hemmed" YOU in - He is before you and behind you, He has His hand on you, He is within you and HE is your HOPE (2 Thess 2:15-17).
Remember Moses in Exodus 4 saying "I can't do it Lord!!"? Well, now skip ahead to Exodus 15:2 and look at the NEW SONG Moses sings to the Lord : "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him." (Exodus 15:2)
The same Lord who put this new song in Moses' heart is the Lord who is within YOU and can put a new song in YOUR heart. He is within ME and will put a new song in MY heart. He is within all those who have "survived" before us. And now we, too, can stop arguing with God and instead "sing to the Lord a new song...praising Him...proclaiming His salvation...declaring His glory..."(Psalm 96:1-3)
Yes, Lord - I WANT to sing a new song to You - Forgive me, Lord that I took my eyes off of You and Your Power within me and I have been looking only to myself. I am weak, but you are strong Lord. I can do NOTHING apart from You Lord - Lead me, guide me, hold me - let me walk in Your POWER through the blood of your Son - In Jesus' Name

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take [this burden] away from me. But The Lord said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:8-10)

The Blame Game - YOU supply the batteries!

2008-08-20T21:27:00.008-04:00

(Please note: Hi-lited passages are links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures referenced.)

For a long time during the divorce, I struggled intensely with depression and fear that would just come and go, so much so that I felt like I would throw up from "motion sickness". I was up and down, up and down, up and down. The depression was not due so much to losing a great love with a former partner, because that love had been gone for years, destroyed by addiction. The depression was due moreso to the fact that not only had I lost everything I had dreamed of having since I was a little girl (the fairy-tale happily-ever-after) but then I had also lost the cardboard house and flimsy walls of protection that I had built for myself within a lost marriage. That just added insult to injury! I thought that even if the marriage was over, I should at least be allowed to keep my cardboard box and keep SOME semblance of being "like everybody else" with my picket fence and my "happy face."
With divorce papers signed, I had to finally admit that the "work of my life" for the last 6 years - trying to hold everything together by a thread - had failed. I had to admit that "my way" of doing it just wasn't going to cut it this time. The game was over. The time bomb had finally blown up and now I had no idea what I would do without my self-created world around me to give me protection.
It was pretty insulting, really. I thought I had done a pretty good job of building little sand walls to keep the house running "smoothly", keep the bills paid, keep the outside world from knowing all of the "dirty little secrets." I didn't understand why those walls couldn't just stay in place. I had very craftily, very methodically built them.
I thought that if I just successfully convinced myself that FP really meant it this time when he said he'd go to counseling and that he was "getting help," that surely he would have to go....eventually....right? Or, if I just prayed harder, God would deliver him. If I just "had more faith," God would "answer" my prayers, If I just wasn't so tired he would want to be home more and not off doing "other stuff." If I was just a better wife, he wouldn't need other distractions to fill his emptiness. If I had just lost that post-pregnancy weight faster and "looked cute" all the time, he wouldn't need to look at other women. If I just kept the house cleaner and the kids quieter, he would want to spend more time with us. If I was better at communicating, he wouldn't "have" to lie all the time. If I... If I... If I.....
Sound familiar?
I must have bought and read every book on the market during my marriage to "improve myself" and to control my marriage. Every women's conference on marriage, I was at the sign-up table. Every women's bible study on marriage, I was in the front row taking notes. Each time I heard something new, then this was "the trick" that would finally "help him" and make everything okay.
Oh, LORD - THANK YOU for DELIVERING me from this endless, exhausting, going-nowhere gerbil wheel that I was running on!!!! And Lord, please don't EVER let me get back on it again - whatever you have to do to block my path Lord - change ME Lord so that I never try to change someone else again and never take responsibility on myself for THEIR actions again!

Even after the unknown extent of FP's addiction finally blew up and the crap hit the fan, I STILL blamed myself for "not seeing all the red flags." I knew that he had "problems" and wasn't home much and spent the night away and money was missing, but surely that didn't mean _____, did it? Then, when I found out all the secrets that I had "missed," I beat myself up for being so stupid and "naieve" - so even that was my fault too.
And it didn't help that FP was there to constantly remind me that yes, it really WAS my fault. He was quick to remind me that I should have gotten him help sooner, I should have gone to counseling one more time, I should have believed him that 4th and last time he said he would quit, I should believe him that it "wasn't really adultery" because he loved me, not them, I should have believed him that the money wasn't really "stolen" because he was going to pay it back all along! I was also told that forgiveness meant forgetting and how could I really call myself a Christian if I couldn't just forget what had happened? And, being the co-dependent that I was, I believed all of it.
In her book Co-Dependent No More (which I HIGHLY recommend), Melodie Beattie writes:
[Co-dependent partners of addicts or abusers] are controlling because everything around and inside them is out of control. Always, the dam of their lives...threatened to burst and spew harmful consequences on everyone. And nobody seemed to notice or care...[they are] people who thought they were going crazy because they had believed so many lies they didn't know what reality was...[they] felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack...[The codependents - those involved with addicts] hurt as much or more [than the addict] because they have gone through the pain without the anesthetizing effects of alcohol or other drugs, or the other "high" states achieved by people with compulsive disorders...The chemically (or otherwise) dependent addict/partner numbs the feelings while the non-abuser is doubled over in pain...they are this way sober, because they went through what they did [surviving life with the addict] sober."
When you read the above, does it sound familiar? Are you nodding your head?
Satan wants you to think you are alone in feeling this way - that your circumstances are isolated and "no one understands". Sadly, as I've found, there are far too many who DO understand. There are far too many who leave their house with their "happy face" on, hoping the world doesn't see what is really hidden behind it all. Satan also wants you to think, like he tricked me into believing for a while, that those years we partners spent doing everything we could "to hold it all together" were in vain and no good, lost forever, wasted. As one counselor put it "You think you had a failed marriage and now a failed divorce". "Failure, failure failure" Satan is chanting, dancing circles around us.

But this is not what Our Father is singing to us - He is singing a different song -
He says DO NOT grow weary while doing what is good and right, for in time we WILL reap a harvest for doing what is right (Gal 6:9). He assures us that His eyes are everywhere, keeping watch over what is evil AND what is good (Prov 15:3). We are not failures - we are victorious because we are women of FAITH -"...for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God" (1 John 5:4-5). We survived the hell we lived in because we had faith - faith that it would get better, faith that the addict would change, faith that we could "make" it work - Now that you are freed, let God take that enormous amount of faith that you have to have had to survive life with an addict and let Your Father turn it back to faith in HIM and HIS strength, for HIS glory!

Those years were NOT wasted - NOTHING is "wasted" with God! Those years are years that you spent making choices about whether to fish or cut bait, whether to hang in or jump ship. And God will reward your faithfulness. He will restore to you what has been stolen from you from the "lost" time Satan wants to tell you is lost forever - That time is NOT Lost (Joel 2:24-26)!

God WILL restore that stolen time to you AND rebuild what has been torn down; and not only will He rebuild it, but it will be far better than that cardboard box you tried to build- HIS city He re-builds for you will be gorgeous, covered in jewels, unbelievable! (Is 54:10-17).
He says to you, "Daughter", now it is time to "rise up", to "shake off the dust" from the explosion, to "put on garments of splendor" and that He WILL redeem you who were "sold for nothing" (Is 52:1-3). He is the restorer, the rebuilder and He wants to restore what was stolen from you! (Is 61).
Not only will he restore and rebuild, but He will use what the Enemy tried to hurt you with for greater good (Gen 50:18-20), for HIS glory, and to defeat the Enemy!

What has happened to you, through you, in you during ALL of this - this is YOUR TESTIMONY. And how does God say that we can overcome the Enemy? By the blood of the Lamb AND by the word of OUR testimony (Rev 12:10-11). So why do you think Satan is trying so hard to make you feel like a failure? Because he knows how powerful your testimony is! Don't hide behind "shame" or "failure" -
You ARE victorious and you WILL be used by God to glorify His name, for "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.' "(1 Cor 1:27-31)
Yes, Lord - take all of this death and bring resurrection life into it and make it Yours - For YOUR Glory - Amen!

A Love Letter from Your Father

2008-08-19T21:06:00.005-04:00

(Please Note: The passages that are hi-lited are links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures referenced)

To my Dearly Loved Daughter,
I want you to know that I DO love you. I love you so much that even while you were still in sin, I sent my only Son, Jesus, to be a sacrifice for you to show you my love (Rom 5:8, Jn 3:16). I did not do this unwillingly or out of duty but I love you so much that it pleased me to give my Son for your life (Eph 1:4-6). When you accepted my Son, my angels in heaven rejoiced over you (Luke 15:6,10). I love you so much that I chose you to be mine even before the world began to be holy and blameless in my sight (Eph 1:4). I love you so much that I have blessed you in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). I love you so much that when you accepted my Son, Jesus, I gave you my Spirit (Jn 7:39; Acts 5:32; Romans 5:5; Romans 8:11; 1 Cor 2:12; 2 Cor 5:5; 1 Thess 4:8; 1 Jn 4:13) and I want you to be filled with My Spirit (Eph 5:18). I gave you my Spirit NOT because of anything you ever did or will do; but because I love you and because you have believed and received what you have heard about my Son (Gal 3:5). I give you my Spirit of wisdom and revelation that you may know me better , so please seek to know Me more (Eph 1:17). I give you my Spirit so that you have freedom from bondage and oppression - so live in light of this freedom you are given! (2 Cor 3:17). You have been given freedom through my Son, Jesus, and so you are free indeed (Gal 2:4, Jn 8:36). You HAVE been set free; do NOT be fooled into putting on a foreign yoke of slavery and an oppressed spirit that does not belong on you (Gal 5:1)!!
You ARE my precious daughter; by my Spirit in you, you are allowed to call me Abba, Daddy! (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:6). This means you are my child and I love you. You are also my wife and I am your husband (Isaiah 54:5; Isaiah 62:5; Ephesians 5:31-32). I love you in so many different, vast, immeasurable ways that My love for you even surpasses all knowledge (Eph 3:17-19).
I will take care of you and meet your every need if you will just trust in me (Phil 4:19) and I WANT to do this; I want to give good gifts to you (Luke 11:11-13). You know that you love your own children and would do anything for them; how much more do you think that I love you (Luke 11:13)?
My child, be careful and cautious – be on the lookout because there is the evil one in the world who does not want you to know or believe these things. He prowls about like a lion, seeking to destroy you (1 Peter 5:8-9). He wants to blind you to my Truth and make you think I do not love you (2 Cor 4:4). Your fight is not against other people in the world, but against your Enemy Satan who has deceived those people; you have to resist him and fight him with the armor I have given you (Ephesians 6:11-12). He will attack you with arguments, reasonings, theories, and through your thoughts, but you have power to throw down these arguments and take these thoughts captive (2 Cor 10:3-5). You can fight him the way my Son did in the wilderness - by speaking my Truth that I have given you and saying "It is Written" (Matt 4:3-8). You will no longer be tossed back and forth by Satan when you know the Truth and you speak the Truth (Eph 4:14-15). This is why I have given you armor to stand strong against Satan and in this armor is my Word (Eph 6:13-18). Study my Word and hide it in your heart (Psalm 119:11). Speak my Word out loud for your faith comes by hearing the message and the message is heard through the word of Christ (Romans 10:17). If you continue in my Word, you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free (Jn 8:31-36).
When you read my Word and study it, then you WILL KNOW that the Truth is that I love you. The truth is that you are my child. The truth is that any condemnation you feel is not from me, but from the enemy, for there is now NO condemnation for you, my child through Christ (Romans 8:1). Do not let Satan deceive you in this.
If there is a yoke on you right now that hurts and destroys and is making you tired and heavy-laden, it is a foreign yoke; it is not from me! Throw it off and take on MY yoke, which is easy and light! For I am gentle and humble in heart and my yoke will give you rest for your soul (Matthew 11:28-30). There are times that the enemy wants you to hate yourself and to remember all of your mistakes; but you must remember that you are no longer who you were; you are crucified in Christ and you no longer live in that flesh that the enemy wants to condemn - but now Christ, your hope of glory, lives in you and this is all that I see when I look at you as you are now clothed in Christ (Gal 2:20, Gal 3:26-28)! Your life is now hidden with Christ (Coloss 3:3) You can thus BOLDLY approach my throne with confidence, not shamed and not condemned, because of my Son (Hebrews 4:16). When I looked on my Son, I said “This is my son whom I love; with Him I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17). You are also my child, adopted through His blood and co-heir to all that I give Him and to share in His glory (Romans 8:17). With you, who are now clothed in Christ, I am well pleased.
I want you to remember that I have promised you: neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will ever be able to separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus your Lord (Romans 8:38). There are times you will not believe this and that the enemy will try to blind you. That is why you must abide in my Word, for that will strengthen your faith. Then you can trust in my Word, which you know is true, and walk by faith and not by what you “see” or “feel” (2 Cor 5:7). You can NOT move forward based on sight or feelings - for faith is being SURE of what you HOPE for and CERTAIN of what you DO NOT SEE (Hebrews 11:1).
I love you, Daughter. Keep seeking me, for those who seek me find me (Deut 4:29, Jer 29:13, Matt 7:7-8, Luke 11:9-10, Acts 17:27).
Your Father.

Never Thirst Again

2008-08-18T14:03:00.006-04:00

(Please note: All hi-lited passages are links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures referenced)

Sometimes when I am praying or even when I am asleep, God will give me a "word" - literally one word - and, when I go to look up the word, it will just speak to me about where God wants me or something He wants me to know about Himself. A few months ago, I had been praying about some anxiety I was having and "helplessness" that I was feeling. One night during all of this, I had a very vivid dream and God gave me the word "Siloam". I had no earthly idea what this meant, so I started pulling out every Bible reference book I have like "Places in the Bible", "People in the Bible," my Bible dictionaries, etc., and this is what I found:
Siloam – "The pool of Siloam is fed by a conduit...which takes its start from the so-called Virgin 's Spring...The Virgin's Spring is the only spring of fresh water in the immediate neighborhood of Jerusalem, and in time of siege it was important that while the enemy should be deprived of access to it, its waters should be made available for those who were within the city...the spring itself could be covered with masonry, so that it could be 'sealed' in case of war...A natural siphon from an underground basin accounts for [the Spring's] flow" (Taken from Unger's Bible Dictionary, 1977 ed.).
Basically, Siloam was a protected stream that flowed into Jerusalem, and it was the only water source guaranteed to remain pure if the people within its walls were attacked from the outside.
Siloam is where Jesus told the blind man to go and wash the clay from his eyes in order to receive healing and it is also thought by Bible scholars to be from this stream that Jesus held the water up in the cup at the Feast of Tabernacles and said “ If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water (John 7:37-38).” (According to Peloubet's Bible Dictionary, 1947 ed.)

So what do I think this means to me? After praying about Siloam and studying the Word, I believe that God was telling me that my "helplessness," my anxieties and my fears, were obviously not from Him and were not in accordance with His Truth. The true underlying problem is that I was not in the Word at the time but I was existing on my own strength; I was in a "dry spell" and not drinking from "the living water." I was spiritually dehydrated, dying of thirst, and the Lord was gently, lovingly calling me back to His Living Water where my soul could be renewed and refilled. The Israelites were warned of the dangers of this self-inflicted dehydration in Isaiah 8:6 where The Lord says "Because my people have rejected the gently flowing waters of Shiloah (another name for Siloam)....I will [bring waters that are not so gentle into their lives!]"
In contrast to living with our tongues hanging out, panting for help, Jeremiah 17:13 says that the Lord IS "the spring of living water." In John 4:10, Jesus tells the woman at the well that if she would only ask Him, He would give her the "living water." And lastly, in Revelation 7:17, there is a precious verse for those dealing with depression and sadness: "The Lamb...will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes" (I used to pray this verse over myself when crying and it always brought me peace).

So how do I practically gain access to this "living water" during my day to day life and during those times of hope and fear? First, I can cry out to the source and confess that through Christ in me, I AM filled with the Living Water, if I would only take His cup and drink from it. Jesus said "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" (Matt 7:8). Ask Him for His living water, and it is yours to drink, to GULP! It flows through you through His Spirit. It never runs empty or dry! The Amplified Bible describes Siloam as "the only perennial fountain of Jerusalem, and symbolic of God's protection and sustaining power" (Isaiah 8:6). In Isaiah 58:9-12, the Lord says that if you cry out to Him and follow His Word, then "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." I would much rather be this "well-watered garden...[whose] waters never fail" than to be the dried up, weed-choked mess that I was before crying out to the Lord and drinking from HIS Waters - wouldn't you?? Jeremiah 17:7-8 says that when we trust in the Lord, we will be "like a tree planted by the water...it does not fear when heat comes...It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Where are you planted? Are you planted by the living water? Are you bearing fruit even in a time of drought? If not, examine your roots to see if you need to be dug up and re-planted!

After crying out to God and starting back on the right path to hydration, we can STAY hydrated by daily drinking the "Living Water" straight from His Word. John 1:1 says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." God is the Word and the Word is God. God is the Living Water and The Word is the fountain of Living Water from which we can drink and hydrate our souls. If you immerse yourself in it, The Lord can bathe you in His Word! Eph 5:25-27 says that Christ so loves the church that He cleanses and sanctifies His church "by the washing of water with the Word." Douse yourself in His Word, study it day and night, meditate on it so that, as Psalm 1:2-3 says, you may be "like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season."
Lastly, DO NOT MISS the so-beautiful fact mentioned in Unger's Bible Dictionary that the pool of Siloam, the waters Jesus held up in His cup at the Feast, were waters famously protected from outside enemies during times of war. What does this mean to me? When I am attacked from all sides by Satan and his "demonic forces", my ultimate Source, my "Living Water" through Christ in me, hope of glory and through the Word of God, sharper than any double-edged sword, is IMPENETRABLE by the Enemy! I can drink from this fountain all day long without fear of it being polluted by my Enemy. It is my only True Source of Hope!

Even though you may be "in a time of drought," as described in Jeremiah 17, you DO NOT have to have "fear...worries... failing to bear fruit..." as long as you are "planted" by the Living Waters(Jer 17:7-8). Even though you may feel forsaken, rejected, and despised by men like the woman at the well, you too can simply ask Jesus for His Living Water (John 4:10) and never thirst again. And even though you may feel crippled, blinded and unable to see where to go, You like the blind man in John 9, can go and wash your eyes in the Living Waters and then proclaim "I once was blind but NOW I SEE!"
I praise you Lord for Your Living Waters, I will proclaim your praise, for You ARE "Making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. [You] provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to [Your] people, [Your] chosen, the people [You] formed for [Yourself] that [we] may proclaim [Your] praise" (Isaiah 43:19-21).
Amen, Amen, AMEN!!

Marking a Bizarre Milestone

2008-08-14T22:15:00.008-04:00

(Note: All of the hi-lited passages are links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures).

One interesting thing I have noticed with divorce is that the "milestones" you end up making in your life and your new family are not quite the milestones you pictured when walking down the aisle all dressed in white. When all is "normal", you think of milestones as : Our first date! Our first kiss! Our first anniversary! etc., etc. Of course "normal" milestones with your children would be : The first tooth! His first steps! Her first words! and so on.
Well, with divorce, this all tends to get a bit strange but it can be kind of "fun" when you learn to laugh about it (which, if you are like me, may take a few years!)
Here are some of my own post-divorce "milestones" (and yes, I can even tell you dates and times sadly enough) :
The first decision I made without questioning my own judgment 100 times (a co-dependent after-effect of life involved with an addict, as many of you can unfortunately relate)!
The first time I stood up for myself on the phone with FP and did not let myself be "blamed" for his addiction and poor choices! The first time I slept a full night without Ambien! The first time I wired my own "home theater" system including dvd, digital box, and surround audio set-up by myself! The first time I re-arranged my whole house (and moved a 400 pound antique armoire) with just myself and a girl-friend and NO BOYS! The first friends' wedding I made it through without crying or chickening out beforehand! The first infant baptism I made it through without crying when the pastor talked about the joy of being "a covenant family", The first Mother's Day I made it through without crying, The first "family Holiday" I made it through without crying! The first time I made it over a month without crying! The first time I realized and felt, down to my toes, the Truth and romance of God as my Husband! The first time God freed me from all depression and anxiety about my divorce!
And then...well...I had another milestone today - THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER FORGOTTEN TO SHOW UP AT MY COUNSELING APPOINTMENT!!! WOO HOOOOOOOO! Okay, so, this may seem like a very strange "milestone" but it was actually my very wise, Spirit-led counselor who helped me to see it as a milestone. There I was, standing at work, when my cell phone rang and it was my counselor's office. When I answered, the secretary said "We were just wondering if you were close to the office or not..." and it hit me that I had COMPLETELY forgotten that I had a 1:30 appointment! And I NEVER, NEVER forget my counseling appointments! I apologized profusely and got so flustered that I actually hung up on the secretary. A few minutes later, I called back and she was laughing and put me through to my counselor. I apologized about 50 times to my counselor and this wise, Godly woman said "STOP apologizing; I am so happy for you! This is a huge milestone! We need to celebrate!" I was of course very confused for a minute and then she explained: "When we first started meeting (about a couple of years ago), you used to LIVE for these appointments and you structured everything around us getting together. You never would have forgotten an appointment. The fact that you forgot today tells me that you are healthy, doing well, and you don't 'need' me like you used to. That's awesome!" And you know what? She was exactly right! Praise God! When I first started seeing her, I was meeting with her 2 times each week. Then, slowly, we moved to once a week, then once every other week, then once every 3 weeks, and then once a month. And now, as we discussed on the phone today, I am finally heading toward "graduation!" This is part of my "Joy In The Morning" (Ps 30) that God has brought to me! It is all part of the healing, the joy restored, the scales falling off! Thank you Lord that you ARE The Healer, The Restorer, and You ARE The God of Amazing Milestones (Num 10:10, Josh 4:7, Is 56:5, Zech 6:14, 1 Sam 7:12)! Lord, help us to always remember our "milestones" so that we, like your children in the past, can also say "Thus far the Lord has brought me"!
Praise God that when I look over my list above, these are such AWESOME milestones for me! I had even forgotten some of these until I started writing them down (and there are so many more not written that I must remember). God was showing me, while I was writing, how far He has brought me. Thank you Lord!
These milestones are there for you too. Start looking for them. Start recording them. Remember that "This I call to mind and therefore I have hope and expectation: Because of the LORD's great love and mercy we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness Lord" (Lam 3:22-23)
Don't you want to have hope too? Then, like Jeremiah did, "call to mind" the Lord's mercies and "love notes" He sends to you each day. Write them down. Make a memorial. And then you, too, will be able to look back and say "Praise God! THUS FAR the Lord has brought me!!!"

Psalm 91

2008-08-13T22:26:00.007-04:00

The following is adapted from Psalm 91. I had this Psalm printed out and kept it in my purse, in my car, on my mirror, etc. I prayed it and spoke it over myself and my children even when I didn't "feel" like the words were true. The words ARE true because they are straight from God's Word and HIS Words are Truth. You can boldly speak these words, regardless of your "feelings" and pretty soon your "feelings" will catch up with the Spirit within you Who knows the Truth and does not rely on "feelings"!!

Lord, I dwell in Your shelter, the shelter of the Most High
Lord, I rest, I remain stable and fixed, under Your shadow,
the shadow of the Almighty [the Almighty whose power no foe can
withstand].
I will say of You, LORD, "YOU are my refuge and my fortress;
You ARE my God, in whom I trust." You ARE my refuge Lord. I [confidently]
trust in you no matter what LORD; I will lean on You and rely on you no
matter how I "feel", because You never change. You are my Rock.
Lord, I know and trust that you will save me from the Enemy’s traps, even as
he hunts me to trap me, You are there to protect me. Lord, you save me from the deadly pestilence and bring health (mental, spiritual, and physical) to my family.
Lord, you will then also cover me with your feathers,
and under Your wings I will trust and find refuge and safety, hidden from evil;
Your Truth and your faithfulness will be my shield and rampart, my buckler, my all-covering defense from anything that is not of You.
I will not be afraid of the terror of night, those things that keep others awake at night, I will sleep in peace.
I will not be afraid of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that fly about me during the day,
I will not be afraid of the pestilence, the diseased evil that stalks in the darkness at night,
I will not be afraid of the plague, the destruction and sudden death that surprises others and destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at my side, I may see others fall into sin all around me, even
ten thousand at my right hand, but it WILL NOT come near me, in Jesus' name!
I will only observe all of this with my eyes, I will only be a spectator [because I will be inaccessible in the secret shadow, secret place of the Most High] and I will see the punishment of the wicked.
Lord, because I have made You my refuge, the Most High my dwelling place, where I rest, no evil, no harm will befall me,
NO disaster will come near my home or my children in the name of Jesus!
For You, Lord, will command Your angels [especial] charge over me to guard me in all my ways, to surround me, to defend and protect me in all my ways;
Your angels will lift me up in their hands, they will raise me up above all of this, holding me
so carefully that not even my foot will strike against a stone.
Through you and the blood of Your Son, I am given power to tread upon the lion and the cobra; I will trample under my foot the great lion and the serpent. [I have power over the Enemy!]
Lord, You have said that because I love you, you will rescue me and deliver me from harm!
You will protect me and set me on high, for I acknowledge and understand Your name. I trust and believe you are all-powerful. I will call upon you, Lord, and You will answer me!
You are with me in trouble, You will deliver me and honor me.
With long life You will satisfy me and You will show me Your salvation.
In the name of Jesus!!!
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN

About this Psalm, Joyce Meyer writes: "When you and I feel a tide of emotions beginning to swell within us, we need to return to the secret place of the Most High, crying out to Him: "Father, help me resist this surge of emotions that threatens to overwhelm me!" If we will do that, the Lord has promised to intervene on our behalf . We need to learn to take refuge under His shadow, where we will be safe and secure, knowing that no power in heaven or earth can withstand Him."

(When studying this Psalm, I used the KJV, NIV, NASB, Amplified, and "The Everyday Life Bible")

Joy Comes in the Morning!

2008-08-12T21:01:00.011-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages are links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures)

When I first moved back to my hometown with my children in tow and my life in pieces, God thankfully gave me the wisdom to immediately seek out Godly women who could help me along in my journey and guide me with love and with Truth. If you are going through a divorce or some other soul-ripping event, I encourage you to pray that God will show you your own "circle of friends" to rally around you. You will be amazed at who this circle ends up being. I lost some friendships with friends who informed me that they "knew the whole story" (though FP is still lying to them to this day about the extent of his adultery) and "just couldn't believe [I] could 'give up' so easily on him". These sorts of "friends" are not the friendships you need. Give up the desire to "explain yourself" to these people as they will not hear you and it is so not worth it (Deut 32:35, Prov 18:2). Also, guard your tongue even around those you trust, as sometimes "venting" to others only feeds your anger even more (Prov 29:11).
The true friends, like the women God brought to me and who I leaned on, who held me up, were those who approached me and said, "I don't need to know a thing about "the story". I know you, I know your character, I love you and I'm here for you." These women already knew the real me and knew I would never in 1000 years "give up" on my marriage. They knew my walk and my faith and knew that there was no "story" that needed explaining or telling. These Godly women, sent by my Father to comfort me, walked me along in my journey (Is 49:13). First, they actually carried me down my road as I could not walk on my own. Then, they walked beside me and I leaned on them like a crutch. Then, they simply walked beside me -side by side- in case I needed them. Now, they are still with me on my journey but they are not on the road with me - they are on the sidelines and ahead of me, cheering me on from all sides. I no longer need to be carried and I no longer need a "crutch" - Praise God. I finally KNOW that I am strong enough to walk my road alone (with the Lord), with my friends walking their roads next to me. One day, if one of them needs to be carried for a while, I will be strong enough to hop on their road with them and carry them for a distance until they know that they are strong again. God is amazing how he uses each of us to hold each other up at different times. He will not put a yoke on us that we cannot carry - and sometimes we just need others to bear it with us! (Matt 11:28-30, Colossians 3:12-14)
One night, shortly after the separation, a group of us were all praying together and the women formed a circle around me. AR put her hands on my head, turned my face toward her and looked straight into my eyes and said, with authority, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy WILL come in the morning" (Psalm 30). This verse became my "mantra" in those first few months. I just stood on this word and spoke it into my life. Every time I cried or felt like crying, I would speak it out loud "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy WILL come in the morning." Yes, I got frustrated at times when joy did not come right away - it honestly took about 2 years before true JOY came and flooded my heart again. At the beginning, I cried every day for the longest time. Then I realized I cried every other day. Then every 3 days, then once a week, then once a month. Soon I realized it had been 6 months since I had last cried about the destruction of my family. Then, one day, it was just gone and I had JOY in the morning!!! Now, the sadness is a distant memory. I encourage you to speak this Word (Psalm 30:5)into YOUR life - it is God's Word for YOU - He is your Abba, Daddy, and He wants this blessing for you - you are His precious child! What Godly Daddy on earth would want his child to suffer and live in depression? (Rom 8:15, Gal 4:4-7, Matt 7:9-11) So, then, How much moreso does your Perfect Father in Heaven want to bless you, want you to find joy in this life He has blessed you with, no matter what is going on outside of you (Heb 11:6, Ps 35:27)? He can restore your joy and He will (Psalm 30:11-12). There will be times you will say "WHEN IS MORNING LORD??? I AM READY!" But hold on; I promise it is coming. And when it does come, your faith will be stronger, bolder, and richer for the waiting (Rom 5:2-4). Trust in Him.
Very shortly before I found my joy again, I was in an art gallery in town and there was a painting that I was so drawn to. It was beautiful to me and my eyes would always wander to it. I was in this gallery 4-5 times in a month because I was having some of my own artwork framed and constantly I was drawn to this painting. Finally I decided to suck it up and see how much the painting cost. As I got up close to read the tiny price tag, I saw, in small print at the top corner of the painting - "my" verse!!! Right there, it read "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning." I almost cried right then and there in the gallery! It was "my" painting! A gift from my Abba (James 1:17)! I bought the painting that day and it hangs in my bedroom, right next to my bed. It is my reminder of my Father who loves me, who restores me, and who will always bring me back to His amazing JOY in the morning (Ps 23:3, 52:8).
Psalm 16:11You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 30:11You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy
Psalm 68:3But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful
Psalm 71:23My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I, whom you have redeemed.
Psalm 86:4Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
Psalm 94:19When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Psalm 105:43He brought out his people with rejoicing, his chosen ones with shouts of joy
Psalm 118:15Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
Psalm 126:3The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy
Psalm 126:5Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

Be Still And Know That I Am GOD

2008-08-11T20:45:00.019-04:00

(Please note that the passages that are hi-lited are links to the appropriate sites or Scripture)

When I first found out everything that was going on with FP, which was basically like a whole parallel universe that I had no idea existed, I honestly did not think I could function. I remember one morning just standing at the kitchen counter in my home and literally pouring my coffee into my kids' cereal bowls and pouring their cereal in my coffee mug. It wasn't until I tried to drink their cereal that I realized what I had done. They were running around my feet oblivious of course to anything. I didn't understand how the world could just continue to go on when my life was "over". I was in a complete daze. My family members would be talking to me and would literally have to snap their fingers in front of my face to get me to focus. I lost 10 pounds in one week. My jeans were falling off of me. My hair started falling out. I cried more than I breathed. I had panic attacks, I felt shaky and disoriented -I was a wreck. I'm sure anyone who has been through this can relate. I thankfully stumbled across research pointing to the fact that women who discover unknown sexual addiction in their partners experience the same "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" that other victims of abuse suffer (Steffans, Milrad, AAMFT). This is fascinating to me as it is so validating and because I had a counselor early-on tell me that she believed that much of what I was going through mimicked PTSD. So you can know that you are NOT going "crazy" if you, too, feel completely shaken to your core. You have been through a huge trauma and you MUST give yourself grace to heal.

At the beginning of my journey, I couldn't even pray. I didn't want to pray. I was angry with God. How could God do this to me? I had done A, B, and C and I was supposed to get D. My relationship was supposed to get the "happily ever after" that all of our friends thought we had, that I thought I'd had. What went wrong? Who was this person that God had allowed me to enter into a relationship with and what was he doing in my house? I remember that when I first began to think about entering into a relationship with FP that I prayed, "Lord, I love him...But I love you more. If this is not from you, shut the door. Don't let me marry him Lord." After everything fell apart, I replayed this prayer over and over in my head and said "How could you do this to me God? I prayed about him and you let this happen!" "What did I do wrong?" "Are you punishing me for something?" And all along God said "Be still and know that I am God," "Be still and know that I AM GOD." Over and over this is how God patiently, lovingly answered my angry accusations. He is GOD - He could have put me in my place, sent a lightning bolt, shouted "I AM the potter and YOU are the clay...now be silent!" But he didn't. It was a gentle, peaceful reminder in my head "Be still and know that I am God." He had to remind me of this daily, hourly, minute by minute, but He was ever-patient and ever-loving through it all.
Then, when I was ready to listen, God reminded me of a night a few years before when I had held my firstborn and I was rocking him to sleep. I was home alone, like most nights, and thought FP was "at work". I remember that even then, before I even had an inkling that anything was going on with FP, I felt a darkness in my home that I can only now explain as the warfare going on for my family. I started praying for my family and, very unlike me at the time, I got pretty worked up. I was praying like I had never prayed before, and I was just sobbing. I don't remember a lot of what I prayed that night, but I DO know, from journaling, that I said "Lord, I know there is darkness in this home. Blow your refining fire through this house and this family and burn away the chaff...Burn away whatever is not of you in this home. I give my family to you Lord. Cleanse our home of what is not of you so that we can serve you."
Now, years after that prayer when I stand in the ashes with my former home that really was "burned away," I realize that my anger with God made no sense. He had known the darkness in my home. God knew all along of FP's secrets, the sexual addiction, the lies, the stealing, the adultery- God knew all of it when I was so blind to any of it. That prayer that I had prayed years before was mercifully answered as God "burned away the chaff" and truly did refine my children and me through His fire - He would NOT allow the sexual sin to stay in our home. Thank YOU GOD! Thank you that you forgive me for my doubt and my "little faith."
This realization did NOT happen right away - it took me at least a year and 1/2 to see it this way. At first I was angry with God but now, with it all behind me, with a peaceful home full of love and light and with the darkness gone, I see that He IS God and He had a plan all along. Let me clarify - I do not believe that it was ever His desire for me to be divorced, for my home to be torn apart. I do fully believe that God hates divorce, because He knows the pain and suffering it brings to His children. It grieves Him. It was never His desire for FP to give in so fully to sexual sin and all the other temptations. But we are not robots; we have a will and we all make choices. And the choices FP made affected his whole family. Just like in the original Garden, God had a beautiful, Eden-like, peace-filled plan for my family. We could have received that Eden as a whole family, but in our family, as in the Garden, sin entered in through one and then corrupted and destroyed all. But, just like with the Garden, the story is NOT over! And your story is not "over" either, no matter how bleak things look right now. In my family, in your family, in all the world, God takes the sin of the one man and He brings redemption through His Son. Through His grace, I have been lifted up out of the ruins and you will be too (Romans 5)!
I am still a single mother, not a "whole" family, but I trust that one day, in His timing and in His own way (and not my way!), God will rebuild that as well. He IS the restorer and rebuilder of ancient ruins (IS 61:4, Ezek 36:33) and He will restore what was "lost" in my youth, "as a young wife...rejected" to me and what was taken from me by someone else's sin (IS 54). I believe this with all my heart. He has already begun the process...I am more of a whole person now than I have ever been in my life - And you will be too. I pray for you too - I am praying for you right now, as I write this, that you will know that through Christ you CAN be whole and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:3-4). You are made new again through the power that raised Christ from the dead, the same power that is now within YOU through His Spirit! (Eph 1:18-20, Rom 8:11) - isn't that amazing to think you have such life-giving power residing within you? Know that you are NOT weak, but you are "more than a conqueror"(Rom 8:37), able to have victory through HIS power! You are "the head and not the tail...above and not beneath..."(Deut 28:13). You are "precious" to God the Father (Is 43:4) and you are His "beloved" (Ps 60:5, 108:6; Rom 11:28; Col 3:12). You are crowned with glory and honor from the Father (Psalm 8:5). He has clothed you with garments of salvation and arrayed you in a robe of righteousness! (Isaiah 61:10) These are all spiritual blessings that are yours through Christ (Eph 1:3). God, your Father, is the creator who spoke the universe into place from nothing (Heb 11:3). He will take this emptiness, this "nothing" that is now your life and He will make it beautiful and new - He WILL rebuild it and restore it. That is just who He is so STAND ON IT AND BELIEVE IT!!! If you feel like you are not "worthy" of His restoration, then you need to know that He says you ARE worthy through the blood of His Son - you are righteous through Christ if you believe in Him, "your" life is now hidden with Him, and that makes you worthy of all that God has to offer!(Rom 3:22, 5:17, 8:10, 10:4; 1 Cor 1:30; Phil 1:11, 3:9).
Still not sure God will restore you because you just don't "see" how He can turn your mess around? Trust me, I have been there. But His Word says: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see" (Heb 11:1). You cannot see restoration right now, but you can believe it because it is who He is and you are worthy through His Son. Amen, Amen, Amen!!!
(Translations used: NIV, NASB, KJV)

Hello!

2008-08-10T22:45:00.004-04:00

(Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to the appropriate sites or Scriptures referenced)

Well, I cannot believe I am entering the world of blogging...I knew that some of my friends were blogging and I was always like "HOW IN THE WORLD do they have time to blog AND to raise their children???" I never thought I would join the ranks - especially as a single mom who, at first, was just trying to survive day to day. At first the temptation is there to think that you will not survive, as I once wrongly thought, but YOU CAN, by God's power and His strength that is there for you through His Son. It is there for ALL of us by grace. God promises us through His Word that He is the God of survival; He desires to "gather" His people, to help them "survive" and to "strengthen" them. This includes YOU! You are His child, adopted through His Son! But that is not the end of it...There is more beyond survival - Now I am living so beyond just "survival", by the grace of God, and you can too!
I recently realized that there were women God put in my life with whom I was communicating by E-mail and sending sometimes weekly "encouragements" with scriptures that had helped me and tips that had helped me...when these women started telling me how much this had helped them I figured....I was spending the time typing out these E-mails anyway, so why not just save what I wrote and save my journals that I was typing and then cut and paste them and blog them so that maybe other women could read them too!
I don't want anyone out there to think that I think by any means that I have it "all together" or that I think I have the answers to being a single mom - Every morning since my divorce I have a little ritual that has stuck and, I believe, has saved my life and my mental stability! -- I have to DAILY confess my need for God (with variations of course!) : "Lord, wash over me with your Spirit. I will be filled to the measure of all the fullness of You. Lord, I don't know what I'm doing. Lord, I can't make it without you. Lord, show me the steps to take today. Thank you Lord that Your strength is within me, Your mighty power is within me, and no weapon formed against me will prosper in Jesus' name. I trust in You Lord, I will not be troubled, and I know that you care for me. You are my rock and my shield. I am your precious child and Your love for me endures forever. Amen"
I don't have any answers for tomorrow or next week or next year. If you had asked me before my divorce, I would have proudly told you that I had my "ten year plan" and maybe even a twenty year plan and that nothing was going to stop my plan. Since then, after all of "my" plans were destroyed, the Lord has shown me the awesome truth of James 4:13-15 - "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
I have to say that as a Type-A person, that verse used to drive me crazy! I hated it! But now, as I truly do live day-by-day, step-by-step, never knowing what is around the corner, this verse actually brings me great peace. I don't HAVE to have a 10 year plan! I don't even have to have a one week plan! or a 2 day plan! I have a loving, just God and HE has a plan much better than any plan I could come up with! So I will follow Him, step-by-step, day-by-day, and I will trust in HIS plan and His alone. Whatever I thought would have been good for me, when I let go, His plan is far better.
Whether we realize it or not, admit it or not, we are ALL living step-by-step, day-by-day. We really truly never know what will happen next. When a phone call we dread will come, when a diagnosis will be made, when a loved one will walk in and say it's over....Isn't it easier to just admit it and let go? We are like kids on a toy ride, holding our steering wheel and thinking we are actually controlling the car. How frustrating is it when we turn the fake wheel left and the car goes to the right, when we pump our fake brakes and the car keeps rolling on its track? When will we finally realize that we are not steering our car at all but that our loving Father, who is watching the whole time, is in ultimate control of the ride? I have finally learned to let go of my steering wheel, sit back, and enjoy the ride, knowing that He has a plan and it is not to harm me, but to work all things for my good - THANK YOU LORD! And if no greater glory than this comes out of the horror of my divorce, then this Peace is plenty enough for me.