Okay, so I am reading The Shack right now, by William P. Young. Apparently there is some controversy out there right now about this book and people being offended by the "theology" in it. I don't know about all that and don't really want to get into it. All I know is that I was reading a part in the book today that just brought tears to my eyes and I had to share it. It was beautiful and so much on the path where God has been leading me recently.
In the book, the main person in the story (Mack) has had a horrible life-altering experience and begins to question God's compassion, love, and justice. Mack then has a chance to "meet" with the Triune God and, during this, has the following conversation with God:
Mack: "What is the value in [this horrible thing that happened]? ...You may not cause those things but you certainly don't stop them."
God: "There are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story. I am not evil. You are the ones who embrace fear and pain and power and rights so readily in your relationships. But your choices are also not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome.....If you could only see how all of this ends and what we (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) will achieve without the violation of one human will - then you would understand. One day you will (understand).....The real underlying flaw in your life, Mack, is that you don't think I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives - is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't....Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me. "
Mack: "One last comment....I just can't imagine any final outcome that would justify all this [all of the bad things that have happened in his life]".
God: "We are not justifying it. We are redeeming it."
Wow. I'm sorry if that doesn't just hit you like it did me, but I thought it was so awesome. For so long, I spent time asking God "Why???WHY????" and wanting an answer. Finally, about 7 months ago, after almost 3 years of beating my head against the wall, I found that it was time to let go of needing to know the "why", and finally, in letting go, I have a PEACE like never before - an overwhelming, heart flooding peace. We have to come to a point where we realize that we can NEVER truly understand the "whys" until that day we are face to face with God in heaven and able to see His overall plan, which will be mind-boggling and, I believe, will silence all tongues from ever asking "why" again!!!!
PJ said to me one time when I was trying to figure out the "why's" - "You can't keep asking why - in doing this, you are trying to understand an infinite God with a finite mind" and she was SO RIGHT. I've written about this before, but when I was in that stage where I was praying and praying and asking God "Why??", not just about the divorce but about many life-changing events that happened all at once (not just to me but to friends, family, acquaintances, etc.), God just kept answering me over and over "Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am GOD." It didn't happen over-night by ANY means (more like years!) and I certainly have NOT "arrived", but by saying this to me over and over and over and by calming my spirit in His loving way, God has finally given me a peace that I don't NEED to know the "why" anymore - ALL that I need to know is that He loves me, He is in control, and HE WILL redeem all the ugliness that has happened, just as He has redeemed man's mistakes over and over, since the beginning of creation. He IS the Restorer, Repairer, Redeemer - THE Savior. He can do all things; He can fix all things. No matter what happens, no matter why, He will use it to His glory and He will make it beautiful - He WILL make "Beauty from the Ashes" (Isaiah 61:3). THIS is what I will choose to dwell on.
Believing in His ability to make all things good is, in my mind, part of that child-like faith that we are asked to have (Matt 18:2-4). We don't need a deep theological explanation for whatever happens - we just need to know God is God and He has a plan. Nothing can threaten His plan. No human, no demon - no one can alter the plans of God.
A few days ago, my oldest broke one of his favorite toys. Of course, he cried for about 5 minutes over the toy. Then, he came to me with the toy in his hand and gave it to me and said with complete confidence - "Here Mama, please fix this" and then walked away. We have had lots of broken toys and lots of super glue and tape usage at our house - I can say that I really have been able to fix 95% of the toys broken here, so this was not an unusual request. What was neat to me about this is that my child did not say "Can you fix this?" He just stopped crying, handed it to me, said "Fix this", and left it in my hands and walked away, confident in me to take care of it, which of course I did. My child trusts me. He knows he is important to me. He knows I love him. He knows I will take care of him and his toy, as I always have in the past.
If I, in all my selfishness and "busyness", have this overwhelming love for my child and this feeling like my heart is going to burst when he shows trust in me like this over a silly toy, how much more does our Perfect Father in heaven feel this way about us and those things that break our hearts? How many times has He fixed what is broken in our lives, in the lives around us, and yet how many times do we not trust Him enough to take ALL of our broken things to Him? He isn't only able to fix the 95%, He can fix it ALL and He WILL work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him!!(Rom 8:28)
I want to challenge you to stop worrying about the "Why?" I can promise you that if you continue to dwell on the why, why, why - it will start to drive you crazy - I know because I have BEEN THERE!
Instead, dwell on those things that bring peace to your questioning mind - Dwell on God's Love, His Trustworthiness, His Sovereignty, His Goodness, His Justice, His Divinity, His Redemption, His Power, His Might, His Victory - these are the things which are true, noble, and right (Phil 4:8). These are the things that will bring you peace and rest.
Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...."
Father, today, tonight - I want to give up having to know "Why" this is happening - I want to give it all back to you, lay it at your feet, lay it on your altar and let go of it. Lord, I will trust in you. I will trust that there is a plan to redeem all of this chaos, hurt, confusion, all of this mess. There is a plan to turn it all into something beautiful, to bring glory to your name. I will believe this Lord and I will walk in it, with my head high, trusting in You. I receive your amazing love for me, Lord. I am your precious child and you WILL take care of me. I believe that you have good things for me and not evil, that there is hope and a future for me in Jesus's name. I trust you Lord and I will rest in You. Amen.
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1 comment:
Some thoughts on "why":
Funny thing, I was just struggling with this very issue this morning, after having laid it to rest just yesterday and then having promptly picked it back up again (because, being human, I love to wallow, fret, and question when God has given me plenty of reason to cease). All the same, it makes me laugh that your blog continually speaks to my struggles at hand on any given day that you happen to post.
I opened my Bible just now to Luke 21:13. It is prefaced by all the warnings of bad things to come and persecutions, etc. Then it says "it will lead to an opportunity for your testimony."
Isn't THAT what all this hurt and garbage is about? That, once we are through it, or even while we are in it, we will gain a testimony? That we, having seen and experienced God's compassion and even His SILENCE sometimes, will be able to minister and show compassion to others and encourage them in their times of enduring, as Oswald Chambers calls it "the blessing of Silence"? (II Cor.1:4)
Rev. 12:11 comes to mind: "And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death." WE WILL OVERCOME in the end, first through the Blood and then through our own testimonies! Our stories, marked with seemingly impossible pain as they may be, are important. YAY!
Meanwhile, after saying that some of us even get to be put to death, back in Luke 21, in verses 18 and 19 it appears to contradict itself and says "Yet not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives." True life and answers to "why" are with Jesus.
And, as you so nicely put it, we don't have to see answers so much as we have to trust that God is Good. I will mar another Oswald quote that says something like "until we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without having it alter our view of God, we do not yet truly know Him."
Thanks for the entry. Love to you.
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