Sticks and Stones

Remember that childhood saying “stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? How incredibly untrue, and un-biblical, this old saying is! When others wrongly accuse us or use their “tongues for evil and their lips for speaking lies” (Psalm 34:13), these words can, and usually do, pierce and wound (Prov 12:18). That is their purpose for which they are sent out by the enemy and, often, we allow them to hit their target. Even when we know that the words said are untrue, we cannot discount the power of words to affect our mind, our heart, our soul.

Do you doubt the power of words? Think about this: With His Word, God spoke the universe into being (Genesis 1). By His Word, the universe is upheld and sustained (Hebrews 1:3). Jesus IS the incarnate Word “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us” (John 1:14). It was by God’s spoken word that He brought forth all of creation. Holy words are so powerful that when spoken, they can bring forth life (Jn 11:43-44)!

But then there are other words, not of God - the words that bring death. Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death.” In Psalm 5, David says of evil men: “Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave (death, stench); with their tongue they speak deceit.” We cannot say words are not powerful. Words can bring life or they can bring death. We ARE affected by words whether we like it or not.

It is so often in divorce that others will use words against us like weapons to beat us down and render us wounded, confused, crippled. This is even more dramatic, and never-ceasing, if your situation involves a “secret” abuser or addict who is so used to their perception of “being in control.” This person who was so adept at “hiding” their addiction or abusive personality is so used to being in control of you and your perception of them and the world’s perception of them that, when everything hits the fan, they suddenly feel out-of-control and they do not like it one bit. When they have been “outed”, their secret, “safe”, hidden, and “controlled” world of addiction and abuse has been threatened and this is not something they are going to take lying down. So what do they often do in response? They may lash out at you, they may blame you for their problems and concerns, they may initiate arguments with you over every little decision, they may accuse you of being “difficult” and “angry” to excuse their own behaviors, they may attempt to control YOU so that they can gain some semblance of their false sense of “dignity” and “control,” and the list could go on and on.

So, as the baffled women on the receiving end of controlling and manipulative behavior from others, what are we to do when our lives are touched by words of death, like a stinking, rotting open grave described in Psalm 5, and not words of healing and life like those from our Father (John 6:63, Psalm 107:19-20)?
I think the answer will always be different according to what God is doing in our lives at the time and what we hear from Him when we pray about our own situation.
No matter what, though, the most important first step we can always take before picking up the phone to tell others how we have been hurt or wronged, before sitting down to type out an angry or hurt E-mail, before finding our closest friend to tell them how we have been abused– the very first thing we ALWAYS need to do is take our hurt and confusion to the Father in prayer. Hebrews 4:14-16 says that the Lord is able to sympathize with ALL of our “infirmities” (amplified) and that, when hurt, we can “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Let Him calm your heart before you make any decisions you may later regret. You have been hurt by words of death that were carelessly spoken by someone else; you do not want to likewise be used by the enemy to fan the stench from this open grave into the lives of others.
Because you, as a believer, are an “ambassador of Christ,” (2 Cor 5:20) when you pray and listen to God, be open to the hard truth that He just MIGHT ask you to remain silent in the face of those who are telling lies about you. I am saying this not because I believe you have to be silent, but simply because this is what God put on my heart as what he wanted me to do when I was hurt by someone else - and I want you to know if this is what he calls you to do as well, just be open and willing and He WILL help you by His Spirit. It was by NO MEANS easy to keep my mouth shut and refrain from “telling everyone” what was really going on behind closed doors with the person who hurt me – but God gave me the help I needed and I have already seen the fruit and the rewards of obedience in not retaliating, not arguing, having “nothing to do with foolish arguments” (2 Tim 2:23). For one thing, God tells us that we will “reap” what we “sow”. If you are engaging in the power-play and “playing the game” with those who lash out at you, sowing seeds of anger and arguing, then you will only reap more of the same. If you “step out” of the game and refuse to engage, refuse to listen (yes, you have the right to hang up the phone when the call becomes “unproductive” with the person attacking you!), and if you “promote peace”, then you will reap more of this for yourself simply by shutting the other person's anger out and not allowing it in your home or on your phone.
Psalm 64:2-3 says that the words of evil-doers are like “deadly arrows.” In Ephesians 6, where we are told how to fight against the enemy, are we told to battle the “flaming arrows” (words) of our enemy with our tongues? No, Ephesians says we battle them by holding up the shield of our faith. What does it look like to hold up the shield of faith against the words of others? Consider Isaiah 53, where we read the prophecy about Jesus and how He responded when He was falsely accused by those who wanted to kill Him, “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth” (verse 7). Why didn’t He open His mouth? John 19:10-11 says "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?" Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above…" Jesus knew that bantering back and forth was not the way to battle. He chose instead to hold up the shield of faith, knowing that His Father in Heaven has all the power, not the liar. Our “shield of faith” is that we have a Father who sees everything that is going on, who loves us and protects us, and who WILL vindicate us in His time. Our faith is that HE, our Father, knows the truth and that that’s all that matters – He WILL take care of it and He will reward our faith in HIS right to avenge, not ours.
I love you, O LORD, my strength. You are my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; You are my rock, in whom I take refuge. You are my shield and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold. You are the God who avenges me…who saves me from my enemies. You exalt me above my foes; from violent men you rescue me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name. (From Psalm 18)