The Choice Is Yours

(Please Note: The hi-lited passages provide links to the sites and Scriptures that are referenced)

In Deuteronomy 30:15, 19-20, Moses says to the Israelites, "See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction...This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."
Similarly, in Joshua 24:15, Joshua says to the Israelites "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

The Lord puts two choices before us each day - We can choose this day to take HIS way and HIS path, or we can choose the path of the enemy, a path of destruction and emptiness. So often in our lives we try to live like the world tricks us into believing - in "shades of gray," not calling a spade a spade and not acknowledging that, according to the Truth (and not according to the world's way of seeing things) that there really is only black or white, good or evil, God's way or Satan's way. We are only given two choices - Life (God's way) or Death (Satan's way). Matthew 5:37 says "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." That's pretty black and white. This is reiterated in James 5:12b "Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned." Notice that there is no "Maybe" listed as an option in these verses...There is no "just this one time....I might...." It is either "Yes" or "No" - "Black" or "White". Or, as Revelations 3:15-16 puts it, there is only either "Hot" or "Cold" in God's eyes. He detests the "lukewarm," the "Maybe," the "Shades of Gray." In this verse, the Lord says to the church in Laodicea: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Where am I going with all of this? In the Divorce Care Bible Study, Steve Grissom talks about how, in the after-math of divorce, there are only two paths before us to go down and we must choose which path to take. One path is the path of bitterness and unforgiveness (this would line up with choosing the path of death, destruction, or coldness from the verses above) or, on the other hand, there is the path of healing and forgiveness (this would line up with choosing the path of life and prosperity, "on fire" for God). I believe, looking at the verses above, that there really are only 2 choices here. And we each have to decide which path we will take after the divorce. I think we can all picture people who have chosen one path or the other. There is the "angry, bitter" divorcee who, whenever you run into her at the grocery store or mall, is quick to tell you how horrible her life is and how the other person has "ruined everything" and her "whole life sucks" because of him. Then there is the divorcee we run into while we are out and about who has moved on, is living her OWN life, and is not "bound" by the other person... and we think "HOW does she do it? THAT is the joy that I want!"
Which woman will you become? There are only 2 choices available, so choose this day what your choice will be.
There are very clear consequences for choosing one path or the other. These are listed in the Divorce Care workbook and are better explained through the study, but I will just list them here. (They are also discussed in the Divorce Care Devotions book which, if you cannot attend the class, I HIGHLY recommend getting).
The consequences of unforgiveness are:
Depression (God is very clear in His Word that our unforgiveness separates us from Him, which in turn will steal our joy)
Bitterness and negativity (even to those who haven't caused you any harm)
Hurt to those around us (they feel targeted by our misplaced anger)
Physical, spiritual, and emotional sickness (again, a consequence of our separation from God)
Loneliness (who wants to be around someone eaten up by bitterness and anger, "spewing" their anger on all those around them??)

The benefits of choosing the other path, the path of forgivenss are:
Freedom to move on (What is the point of being divorced if you are going to continue to be wrapped up in this person and letting them control your emotions and well-being?!)
Healing (A "scab" cannot heal if you keep "picking at it" - likewise, your life will not heal as long as you keep re-opening the wounds the other person has left behind)
Forgiveness is the "antidote" for resentment and anger (forgiveness is liberating - as long as you are living in unforgiveness and anger, you are continuing to give the other person "power" over you and your emotions)
The situation will no longer have power over you if you choose to let it go.

You are standing at a cross-road and there are only two choices. If you are already ON the road of bitterness and anger and unforgiveness and have been there for quite a while, it is NEVER too late to tell God you are READY to get OFF of that road! God is the God of reconciliation! Look at Luke 15 - We have the parable of the lost sheep, the lost coin, the lost (prodigal) son all right there together. God is saying to us "Come back! Jump on MY path! It's not too late! Don't go down that path - that path is DEATH! Come to ME you who are weary! (Matt 11:28)"

How do we start back to the right path, to God's path? First, Satan wants to keep us on that wrong path, the anger path, so he will try to do everything he can to keep us in that anger and bitterness. There will be true spiritual warfare, battle through your mind, for Satan to try to keep you on that path. This means that you will have to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and be IN THE WORD, reading the TRUTH, the Bible! You cannot get to the other path on your own. You can only do it through the power of the Holy Spirit within you. And you will probably have to DAILY "take your thoughts captive to Christ." Do not let Satan fool you into thinking that this is anything less than a battle for your mind. 2Corinthians 10:3-5 says "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." This sure sounds like a battle to me! And it sure sounds like I'd better start fighting! DAILY!
It really is a daily struggle to walk on this path of life and light. Daily Satan will shoot "fiery darts" at you, trying to wound you, trying to put you back on the path of bitterness and anger (Ephesians 6:16). He will replay thoughts, conversations, instances, situations, etc. in your head, all "justifying" your anger and unforgiveness. This is where you will have to "demolish" every one of those arguments and "take captive" every thought, making it "obedient to Christ." Again, making a choice whether to give in and lie down on the battlefield, or stand up for yourself and your kids and say "No more!"

So how do we begin? In the Divorce Care workbook, there is a "process" - I started this process a few years ago and I am STILL experiencing it day by day, but I can tell you that I am MILES further down my road of forgiveness than when I began - and the FREEDOM I have is significant and life-giving!
The first step = "Ask God to forgive ME" - We need to confess to God if we are holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness because, if so, we are holding on to something that belongs ONLY to God (Deut 32:35, Psalm 51:4) and is NOT our realm of responsibility.
The second step = "Transfer the hurts and offenses that I have been carrying" - Lord, these sins of this person are too heavy for me to bear. I give them to you as YOUR property. Take these offenses and nail them to the cross. Take these offenses from my mind, from my heart- I've had enough and I don't want to bear them any more. Please take them from me so that I can move forward, unhindered, unbound.
The third step = "Turn the other person over to God" - Give the Lord ownership of the person who has hurt you. Pray that God would put HIS hand and HIS judgment over that person and then you LET GO. Trust in the Lord, the righteous judge, to deal with that person justly. You may never "see" this justice in your lifetime - you may never see this person "pay" according to YOUR standards, but by letting it go and giving it over to the Lord, on His altar, you are performing an act of FAITH in HIS Lordship and He WILL honor your faith!

All of this may be old news to some of you or for others it may be very hard to read. You may be thinking "Heck no I'm not forgiving that person! Do you know what they did to me and what they continue to do every day???" No, I don't know and really nobody knows but you and God. So don't argue with me about whether you should forgive that person or not. Take your question to God. He already knows what is in your heart anyway, so why not talk to Him about it? Ask Him RIGHT NOW to show you His will for your freedom, for letting go of anger and bitterness. Ask Him to show you how to forgive, how and where to start the battle. He DESIRES freedom for you (Luke 4:18). This freedom is part of His will, His plan for you. If you ASK Him to help you find this freedom, He WILL answer and guide you (1 John 5:14-15). And, after you ask Him, then you must follow James 1:22, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."!!! Even if you are not there yet, the Lord will honor your obedience in simply asking Him to HELP you get there!

Lord, you say that with faith the size of a mustard seed I can move mountains (Matt 17:20). Lord, I give this mustard seed, the size of the tip of a pin, to you. This tiny bit of faith that I can forgive. This tiny mustard seed of forgiveness that I have, I give it to you Lord. Grow it Father with the Light of Your Holy Spirit within me. Water it Lord with the Living Waters of Your Word. Father, I want healing. I need Your healing. Show me Lord the path to healing and forgiveness and guide my feet down this path, closer and closer to You. Open my ears to hear you and my heart to obey you. Teach me Your ways, Lord. Remind me each day Lord to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. Every thought, every attack, every phone call, every E-mail that is false and hurtful and sets itself up against your Truth - remind me to take it captive to You so that NOTHING will hinder my walk with you and my relationship with You. I love you Lord and I cry out to you for Your help, that I can grow closer to You each day and fight against all weapons that seek to pull me away from you. In Jesus' name Amen!"